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The Bachelorette recap: Marionettes... With Children

In Prague, Jef overtakes Arie as the frontrunner by pulling some strings, while Chris nearly hangs himself with his own rope.

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Bachelorette Marionette

The Bachelorette

TV Show
Reality TV
run date:
Chris Harrison
Current Status:
In Season

Welcome back to the Perfect Place to Fall in Love 2012 Tour, rose lovers! Today’s destination is Prague, land of red roofs, cobblestone streets, and imposing statues of men stabbing things. The chill in the air matches the fear in the hearts of the six remaining men — Arie, Chris, John, Doug, Jef, and Sean — because this is the all-important pre-hometown dates week. The guys know that if they blow it now, they’ll lose the chance to drag their family members through the aforementioned televised humiliation ritual… and that would just be a damn shame.

This leg of the “journey” will include three one-on-one dates, and the guys are anxious to learn who will get his time in the spotlight first. Date card says… Arie! “Let’s Czech out Prague together,” reads the message on Emily’s cutesy personalized stationery. The race car driver, who insists he’s “fallen in love with Emily after a few dates,” is pleased as punch — perhaps even more so when he sees the sparkly silver short-shorts/Las Vegas showgirl underwear the Bachelorette is wearing for their sightseeing excursion.

As usual, Arie and Emily spend most of their time communicating in their preferred language: Suckface-ese. But even as she’s swallowing his tongue, Emily’s heart is being nibbled by tiny ducks of doubt. “I know something about Arie that he’s not telling me,” she says. “He doesn’t know that I know.” Arie may not know that she knows, but we know that what she knows he doesn’t know is that he used to date Cassie Lambert, a producer on Team Bachelorette. So of course Emily faces this awkward problem head on, sitting Arie down for an honest… oh, sorry, no. She actually makes him rub a bronze dog on a statue that represents loyalty. And if that weren’t jarring enough, suddenly we’re back at Casa Bachelorette, with Harrison — who seriously was just in the center of Prague, you guys — striding out of the mansion to address Bachelorette Nation. “I wanted to take this time to talk to you about something you may have heard, or even read about,” he begins, going on to explain that Arie and Cassie had a “very brief relationship” “several years ago” and it was Cassie’s idea to tell Emily once it became clear that she was “developing some serious feelings for Arie.”

He then throws to a videotape of Cassie interviewing Emily about Speed Racer, though we only see Cassie for a second before she scurries to her usual off-camera spot. “Like, if he’s ok with hiding that he even knows you, much less dated you,” says the Bachelorette, “like, what the f–k else is he hiding?” It’s a valid point, but Cassie works up a sweat trying to defend Arie. “I don’t think he’s hiding that he knows me. It’s been so long, we don’t even know each other that well,” insists the producer, adding that she didn’t reveal her history with Arie earlier because she didn’t want Emily to see him as the guy with baggage. (Ba-dum-bum!) Though the Bachelorette is clearly peeved, her ire is aimed in Arie’s direction. Would it really have been so hard, she wonders, for him to have mentioned that he’d dated — hell, even that he’d met — her Team Bachelorette handler? “Now I feel like an idiot… and it’s not like it’s for the show,” she grouses. “It’s not a production thing, it’s, like, a real life thing.” I’m confused — is Emily saying there’s a difference between the show and real life? Lord have mercy, my whole worldview is crumbling!

NEXT: Now you choose to turn the cameras off???