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''The Apprentice'': A sort-of-shocking shocker

On ”The Apprentice,” after two mini-teams of losers drive tourists around L.A., Michelle commits boardroom suicide

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The Apprentice
Michelle S.: Mitchell Haaseth

The Apprentice

TV Show
Current Status:
In Season
run date:
Heidi Bressler, Katrina Campins, Jessie Connors, Amy Henry, Kwame Jackson, Carolyn Kepcher, Omarosa Manigault, Troy McClain, Bill Rancic, Robin Himmler, George Ross, Sam Solovey, Nick Warnock

”The Apprentice”: A sort-of-shocking shocker


Oh, sorry. Was I yelling? It must be rubbing off on me already, this show. You know, since all anybody ever does is TALK LIKE THIS! I could put the show on mute and still hear them. Honestly.

(By the way, I’m subbing this week for Whitney Pastorek, who’ll be blogging from Sundance for the next few days.)

The yelling must be some indicator of success, though, since Jaime Pressley’s splotchier twin, Michelle, was the least yelly of them all. She was always being wishy, then washy, soliciting help instead of making her own decisions. She didn’t want it badly enough, as evidenced by her resignation (in other words, her total shirking of any responsibility for her team’s loss). Given her performance last week, it was only a matter of time before she got the two words from Mr. Trump, but did she have to confirm our suspicions about her weaknesses so predictably? I wanted a surprise, like an absurd lie that blamed another teammate for the loss, or the sudden appearance of teeth grabbing on to the prize and holding on for dear life. No such luck.

She did, for what it’s worth, provide 100 percent of the episode’s tension while still being a boring, whiny rambler. ”We’re creating a process and helping one another fill in the holes.” She certainly has a future as the next Paula Abdul — woman, what were you saying? I saw the look of terror on Tim’s face when ”Johnny Come Lately” chose him to be on her team, yet I felt no pity for her for being despised. Nicole, also devastated, gave herself away with eyes full of misery. (They should takes some notes on the stone-cold facial expressions of Ivanka — scary and totally unknowable.)

The imitation project manager (sort of like imitation crabmeat) had a collapse of leadership pretty early on, wasting time on the road, then not letting her team sleep, which contributed to a tour-bus disaster (speedball jokes for the kids!). But hey, at least the team had ”heart,” right? It’s a relief she’s gone.

What surprised me was the winning mini-team’s impressive rally to victory. I’d love to go on a tour where I get a free souvenir and free refreshments. (At least I hope they were free….Oh, who am I kidding?) Aaron’s turn as project manager was understated, cooperative, and classy. I’ll admit that I wasn’t expecting it from him, and I’ll admit that it was probably his enormous chin dimple that affected my prejudice. ”I CAN’T STOP YELLING” James turned up the creativity with his contributions of the Laker girls and the location, and he most definitely turned up the zaniness. That kind of energy makes people uneasy; I think it’s going to get him into trouble soon. Finally, sharp-eyed Stefani (no relation to Gwen) saved the day with her warm, informative presentation of Hollywood’s ”FAMOUS PLACES, BEAUTIFUL FACES.”

Well, as I said, I’m having a great time hanging out with the losers in Trump Trailer Park. For one thing, I always love an underdog, and the Arrow group’s tent life has given me a good amount of quality time with them. Kinetic, on the other hand, is all one pampered, blurry mess of people I barely recognize. The Shamu impersonation wasn’t bad, but it’s time for them to be on the other side of the hedges for a change.

What do you think? Is Michelle a true born loser? Should Kinetic have been exempted from this week’s challenge? And how did you like Don as the newest addition to the boardroom?