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America's Next Top Model recap: Language Barriers

At a CoverGirl commercial shoot, most of the girls struggle with the Italian script, but Lauren barely tries at all

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Lauren

America's Next Top Model

type:
TV Show
Current Status:
Pending
seasons:
16

The dreaded foreign-language-CoverGirl-commercial episode: We all fear it. Or, at least I do. I don’t like to see people set up to fail (by having to learn an Italian script while sitting in hair and makeup) — especially when they probably would’ve failed anyway had the producers just let them speak English. (Lauren, I’m looking at you.)

So the final six bellas standing on America’s Next Top Model arrived in Rome, and were treated to a tour of the city. Beautiful, beautiful, wish you were here. (Yes, I just quoted French Kiss. I like that movie. Sue me.) After Anya took her spill stepping out of the van at the Coliseum — that had to hurt more than she let on, right? — the ladies got their first Tyra Mail, which featured Tyra as the Mona Lisa. (I’d have thrown down to get to keep that as a souvenir. You?) She instructed them to make themselves at home in their new quarters, which was easy since it had an indoor pool and a relaxing courtyard. (I’d also throw down to vacation there.)

This is the point in my notes when I wrote ”Katarzyna speaks!” and ”Katarzyna speaks again!” Apparently, what she said wasn’t important enough for me to note, but it’s nice to see her be a part of the show.

Every season someone gets sick and has to power through a shoot, and this cycle it was Fatima. Her throat hurt and her body ached, but at least that pink-sheeted bed she crashed on looked hella comfortable. I said it last week, and I’ll say it again: Anya is the only one who actually wants to play fair. How sweet was it when she took Fatima food? Granted, we all know Fatima was in no mood to eat…but still! Anya isn’t interested in cutting other people down to make herself feel better or more deserving. (Cough, Dominique.) And unlike Lauren, who rudely woke up the girls by stomping around the bedroom and throwing suitcases (WTF?) long before anyone needed to be up, Anya was actually thoughtful enough to wake Lauren’s punk ass up when they needed to leave the house in a half hour and she was still snoring. Anya has my vote, even if the first thing she thinks of when she hears the word rolling is a river. (Did she think someone said ”rowing”?)

This week’s challenge involved riding around Rome on a Segway and learning how models — who were pretending to be normal, everyday Italian women hanging out and eating ice cream — dress. Basically, it’s sexy on the cleavage, conservative everywhere else. Kind of like a walking Madonna-whore complex. I didn’t quite grasp the rules of the competition: It was supposed to test their ability to adapt to Italian style, but weren’t all the clothes the girls had to choose from by designer Gai Mattiolo? Therefore it wasn’t like they themselves actually had to put together an Italian look. So I guess it just came down to their walks, which Mr. Mattiolo judged: Fatima was ”elegant.” Dominique was ”very natural” but ”doesn’t look fresh.” (Is that Italian-speaking-English for ”not young?”) Katarzyna was a ”very beautiful woman.” Anya was ”so blond, so skinny, so young, so fresh.” (I guess I was right on my translation.) Whitney was ”so American” with her ”great, beautiful face.” And Lauren, well, the nicest thing he could come up with for her was, ”You are the tallest…with very beautiful legs.” Ha. Much to Whitney’s annoyance, Anya won the prize (again), which was a gown to wear on a red carpet that she will never step a stiletto on.

NEXT: Lauren’s ”hell to the no!” moment

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