”America’s Next Top Model”: Jennipher phlunks out
Whatever your feelings about the Botoxed bodaciousness that is Janice Dickinson, you gotta admit that the former supermodel has provided some of the most entertaining bits (in every sense of the word) of Top Model this season. And she reached new highs — or lows, depending on how you look at it — this episode.
It began with the finalists sweatily contorting themselves in a Tyra-sanctioned yoga class. Suddenly, Janice joined the group, her body as flexible as her forehead wasn’t. But no matter — all was forgotten when she ripped off her shirt to reveal a cleavage-baring top that showed off a rack so symmetrical and perfect it was vaguely reminiscent of a carton of jumbo eggs. Clearly enjoying her moment in the spotlight, she spread her legs and then declared, ”It’s important not to look like a porn star!”
The girls gamely tried to imitate Janice’s swimsuit-posing techniques, but they were no match for the screeching, surgically enhanced whirlwind. For the next lesson, Janice strutted out in a long red gown to teach the contestants how to model evening wear. Classily, of course. Jennipher, Ann, and Cassie were selected for their own photo shoot until Janice, in a burst of sensitivity, shooed Jennipher out of the frame because she wasn’t animated enough. But her best example of tact was when she told plus-sized Toccara, ”Hike up your nipples so they’re not pointing down.”
Back at the apartment, Tyra got some quality one-on-one time with each finalist, conveniently showcasing the sympathetic yet tough-lovin’ skills that she’ll probably display on her upcoming talk show. Channeling Oprah (albeit an Oprah in a plunging hot-pink lace top), she dispensed advice and soothing coos as each contestant unloaded. Toccara was the lucky winner on the cry-o-meter this week, collapsing into Tyra’s ample bosom while sobbing about her mommy and daddy.
Therapy session over, the girls spent the next day modeling La Perla underwear — in the storefront window, in full view of Manhattan passersby. Now if stick-thin model wannabes can manage to look uncomfortable in the best lingerie money can buy, it doesn’t bode well for the rest of us Victoria’s Secret-clad masses. Kelle — whom Barney’s creative director, Simon Doonan, dubbed ”a natural” — emerged as the winner, though I was more impressed that she could wear an ”All you can eat” T-shirt with a straight face.
For the next test, the girls modeled handbags while dressed and made up to look like the cast of Party Monster. On roller skates. Amanda was the most amusing of the bunch, gracelessly falling every five seconds but still never wavering in her belief that she is utterly fabulous. Toccara — who actually is fabulous — expressed the most interesting beauty concern of the night, asking her handler, ”My booty don’t look dry, do it?” That was much more engaging than the subsequent Cover Girl commercial, starring Mr. J and the robotic model Elsa Benitez. This week we learned we need a different shade of foundation for winter and summer. I did not know that. (And neither apparently did Ms. Benitez, who blankly responded, ”Really?”)
Based on the results of the roller-derby escapade and an impromptu photo session with a hapless male model named Lanny (which is short for what, exactly?), the judges gave the stilettoed boot to Jennipher, whose photographs stylist Nolé Marin eloquently compared to an ”orgasmic letdown.” Let’s hope the girls give him something to get a little more excited about next week.
What did you think? Was Jennipher’s eviction unphair? Who do you think should go next?