”America’s Next Top Model”: Going back to high school
Dear Top Model peeps,
This episode, our second, centered around a high school theme: First the models donned prom dresses to walk the runway, then they embodied yearbook-style clichés for their photo shoot.
(Confession: I actually loved my prom. Garth Brooks’ ”The Dance” was the senior song. Aw. And I still have my cubic-zirconia-covered red dress from 1998. It’s silly. I know.)
This edition of ANTM was all happy times until (1) Renee and her best friend, Bitchy Attitude, bubbled to the surface yet again; (2) Felicia’s jock pose instigated high school flashbacks of awkward volleyball-bloomers moments; and (3) Samantha got the boot. I don’t know about you, but that was tough for me. Samantha was such an adorable little honey muffin of a person. I loved the way she sarcastically pointed out, ”Last week, I was a lesbian, and now, I’m a ho. So much fun.” You could tell she was an innocent Southern belle from the start, just by looking at her full but fastidiously plucked eyebrows. And when Jay uttered the m-word, she flinched. (I don’t even know if I can go there in print, but if you missed the term, which was bleeped out on TV, here’s a hint: A dog owner is also known as a m—– + what you do to prep a fishing rod.)
Let’s backtrack to Renee. Somebody has got to put this girl in her place. I cut her some slack during the first episode because she’s a young mother, and that’s a lot of life to take on at age 20. But all she does is talk smack about the other models, and then when the tables are turned on her, she gets defensive. This time around, it started when Miss J. criticized Jaslene on her walk (which does honestly drive me a little nuts). In the confessional, Renee barked, ”Little Miss Cha-Cha Diva didn’t get the praise she expected to get.” Then, when the Latina firecracker cleaned up the competition in the end for the second week in a row, Renee just about broke down with envy, saying, ”If I had those looks, then I would have done really good and I would have gotten really good feedback and I’d be more confident.” Renee needs to figure out why she has a chip on her shoulder — and then get over it. Move on. Oh, and seeing as how she’s into the whole professional-modeling thing, it’d probably be a good idea to quit smoking. Might as well wash your face with tobacco.
I’ve decided that from here on out, I’m going to rank how the girls did on their photo shoots — from who I thought should’ve been booted to best in show. (Feel free to post your own lists in the comments section.) Here goes:
12. Sarah, ”Class Flirt”
11. Natasha, ”Teacher’s Pet”
10. Samantha, ”Bad Reputation”
9. Whitney, ”Mean Girl”
8. Cassandra, ”Cheerleader”
7. Felicia, ”Jock Girl”
6. Renee, ”Class Clown”
5. Diana, ”Student Body President”
4. Brittany, ”Valedictorian”
3. Dionne, ”Bad Girl”
2. Jael, ”Bookworm”
1. Jaslene, ”Weirdo”
PS: What was up with the runway wardrobe malfunction? Sarah pulled an Elaine Benes — but that was only on a Christmas card. Sarah exposed her nip to the young minds of our future, the Obamas and McCains and Clintons, not to mention the Spearses and Lohans and Fienneses.
PPS: Were you sorry to see Samantha go? Is Jaslene really all that? And will Renee ever get over herself?