The semi-final results show of America’s Got Talent is the perfect opportunity for big Broadway acts like The Illusionists to take Radio City Music Hall and wow audience members with whimsical shadow puppets and a trick that ends with a live rat inside a box. Who cares about the AGT contestants! I want to see that guy escape from a straight jacket while hanging upside down. Did I forget to mention that HE’S ON FIRE?
I’m just kidding. I completely care about the AGT contestants. In fact, after Nick announced the Dunkin’ Save candidates, I wondered why America hates singers so much? Standing pitifully in the middle of the stage are Benton Blount, Samantha Johnson, and The CraigLewis Band. Do voters think that vocalists belong on a show like The Voice or American Idol? Or was the competition just too interesting for these three to merit a top spot?
Nick wastes no time this week with dramatic pauses because we have to be mesmerized by illusions throughout the show. He sends those in jeopardy to the Dunkin’ Save green room to sweat it out for the next half hour. Then he calls Metal Mulisha, Derek Hughes, and Mountain Faith Band to the front. Derek easily takes this round. Metal Mulisha run to their bikes, while Mountain Faith Band start a club for semi-final musical rejects. Howard gives Derek a lecture on how he needs to bring in during the finals or others acts will beat him. I believe Howard is looking at you, professional regurgitator.
Next up is Ira, Arielle Baril, and Oz Pearlman. Everyone on stage, including the puppets, looks as if they are going to hurl. Nick quickly calls Oz’s name as a finalist. Ira is never heard from again and Mountain Faith Band elect Arielle as their Sergeant of Arms in the Lonely Musical Hearts Club backstage. Then Nick delivers the funniest line of the night: “You’re a mentalist. Didn’t you know you were going through?”
Finally, our host calls SIRO-A and Drew Lynch to center stage. To no one’s surprise, Drew is announced as the winner. And of course he delivers a really sweet speech about how all the contestants have become friends and he often forgets it’s a competition. I’m not sure if Drew will take it all in the end, but he definitely has a career doing something amazing after this journey.
The main Illusionists guy is back to show everyone how he taught Howie to pick a handcuff lock. He has 20 seconds to get out before a bunch of garbage dumps on his germaphobic head. Howie fails and looks really irritated. I didn’t know if I was supposed to think it was funny or mean-spirited. Then I realized I didn’t care. GET TO THE DUNKIN’ SAVE ALREADY!
It turns out, America voted Big Daddy Benton as the fourth spot into the finals. The judges looked concerned. It’s up to them to decide if Samantha or The CraigLewis Band are joining him. The women pick Samantha. The men pick The CraigLewis Band. It’s a tie! Oh the suspense! Someone hands Nick an envelope with the name of the act America chose for second place in the Dunkin’ Save. And it’s The CraigLewis Band.
The boys are shocked and can barely speak. The judges are nodding at one another as if this were their plan all along. Nick flashes his sweet cuff links for the camera and Samantha slowly fades into the background.
Did America get it right? Is there any way a singer is going to win? Should Samantha join the Lonely Hearts Musical Club? I bet she’d make a great vice-president.