American Idol’s Top 13 gamely took on Stevie Wonder and Whitney Houston last night, but the real story of the episode — sorry, Jessica Sanchez, “I Will Always Love You” anyway — was Randy Jackson’s sparkly beaded pin in the shape of a seemingly miserable little girl. It rivaled the Ryan Seacrest doughnut from the Portland auditions in terms of “season 11 objects of ‘human’ interest WTF-ery,” and yet this pin might not have been the most ridiculous thing Randy was wearing because he was also sporting a fur collar!
Esteemed Colleague Email Interlude:
Everyone was intrigued. So he’s giving it away on Facebook!
I could have sworn this was either Lucy from Peanuts or a slightly humanized version of a frowning Super Mario Bros. cloud, but then @YO_RANDYJACKSON tweeted (I hate myself for what I have just typed) that this pitiful cretin is supposed to be Betty Boop.
Later, Ryan Seacrest posted a meaningless exclusive interview with Randy about the pin, so I watched that a few times while noshing on an unnecessary extra slice of recappin‘ pizza and trying to suppress the question “Would now be a good time to take stock of my life?” As my eyes slowly filled with tears, I spent yet another few seconds gazing at the pin before realizing there’s a light pink tongue in there, and mismatched earrings, and what’s up with the red anyway, is that blood? Are those Tevas? Does anyone remember Lite-Brite?
Clearly this pin is all I can think about. Randy should send it to me. I’d wear it CONSTANTLY.
In other important matters, Seacrest announced that this week, the judges will make the final decision on whether the least-voted-for guy or the least-voted-for girl will go home.
As if they aren’t powerful enough! What is this, The X Factor? Bitches, please. Send me the pin.
Joshua Ledet, the young man Jennifer Lopez wants to punch because he’s so good, kicked things off with Stevie Wonder’s “I WIsh.” Some of his high notes sounded gargled and at one point an emphasized “would” just seemed straight-up vomited out — and yet! This was really enjoyable and showed major versatility for Joshua. The judges loved that a gospel-voiced balladeer could deliver on something uptempo. “That was flavorless–I mean, flawless, dude,” said Randy, possibly compelled to screw up right away by the evil beady-eyed urchin below.
NEXT: Did ‘Idol’ just throw Elise Testone under Jimmy Iovine’s magic bus?