You’re just beautiful.
The producers ended up bringing back gentle giant purple people-eater Jermaine Jones for an “incredible second chance” to join the Top 12 Guys last night. After so much hype — namely, would Americans get to feast their eyes on Johnny Keyser’s hot tub abs again? — the presentation of Jermaine was sort of a non-event if you ask me. He bellowed Luther Vandross’ “Dance With My Father” that was on pitch but might not quite work on Idol, and his loud mom got to come onstage and bounce around a bit. We learned the answer to “How white is too white, in terms of pants on a giant?” which I know we’ve all been wondering about. But that was pretty much it. I doubt Jermaine will make it through to next week.
Anyway, Ryan announced the plan for Thursday’s (somehow?!) two-hour episode: The five guys and girls who got the highest amount of viewer votes will go through, along with a wild card pick from each judge — creating a Top 13 heading into next week.
First up: Wisconsin’s finest cheese curd Reed Grimm. Apparently Reed spends “every day changing dirty diapers” for his young nieces. He must have still had poop on the mind because he forgot to delete the s-word in his lounge club version of “Moves Like Jagger.” (“I don’t give a s—” is typically bleeped out on the radio.) His drum set already seems like a tired old prop, which is sort of sad because drumming is so cool. But no one needs their American Idols to drum, you know?
Also, I’m not sure this guy, Mr. Grimm, has the capacity to stand still. Even when he was hanging out during the judges’ glowing comments, he couldn’t help lifting up his errant mic pack and showing off its intricate details for the camera. Oh, wow, you’re holding a mic pack! Are you on TV or something?
NEXT: Adam Brock towels off some white chocolate droplets