Nooooooo! Following Wednesday’s ’60s and British Pop performance show, human slingshot Skylar Laine — a country-singing teen with a passion for boots, mud, rockin’ out, and large-scale geometric earrings — was eliminated on Thursday’s American Idol results show. A fiery onstage presence ’til the end, she threw her final network-televised Skylar Party (maybe?) (probably) and sang the hay-ul out of Miranda Lambert’s “Gunpowder and Lead” for her last hurrah.
I loved the cheesy headlines emblazoned on newsprint in the Great Idol Oval: “SKYLAR STARTED SHOOTING FROM THE START: Randy Jackson, Jennifer Lopez and Steven Tyler blown away.” (Ryan wanted to be included, Ryan!)
I’m surprised that our little Mississippi mud pie got eaten up. Last season’s final two were both country singers so I thought the much more charismatic Skylar could coast to at least the Top 3. I even ranked her number one on my Power List this week. What a fool! I really believed she was the only girl who could have won. I might still believe that. Ugh, too bad.
Little Hollie Cavanagh joined Skylar in the bottom two — and in what was easily the most horrifying moment of the episode, the evil confetti monster who lives at the top of the Idoldome recreated the end of Coldplay’s second pre-taped performance so that the two terrified Tiny Teens had to endure a shower of colorful paper bits CELEBRATING THEIR DOOM.
Skylar and Hollie want to wring it, Ryan! (Your neck.)
Speaking of garbage flying in people’s faces, “our own country powerhouse Carrie Underwood” emerged in a heavenly cloud of the deadly smoke machine’s turbo-level thank-god-it’s-Thursday emissions and proceeded to sing her new single “Blown Away” in a simulated tornado. This was not the best Carrie has ever sounded (what was with the low verses?), but she’s been furiously spinning her dust particles all week promoting this album. And she’s sooooooo gorgeous.
“There’s not enough wind in Oklahoma to rip the nails out of the past.” How does Carrie Underwood (or her songwriters) do that? I feel like I’ve been exposed to a profound geographical and emotional truth here. Like, I didn’t know I needed that line in my life and now it is EVERYTHING.
NEXT: There’s not enough teardrops in the world to make a waterfall, unless you’re Coldplay