Welcome to day two in Idol world, readers. Happy to have you back. We kick off the evening with obligatory flashbacks to Carrie, Fantasia, and Kelly’s auditions and various idols’ professional triumphs. Because this is a show that creates success—and they don’t want us to forget it.
While we #TurnUpForIdol (what?), let’s sit in on a staff meeting at a long fancy white marble conference table with the three judges, which I’m going to pretend happens even when the cameras aren’t there. They’re talking, earnestly, about what they want from the season. And what do they want? Keith wants that intangible thing. Harry wants to step up his game and find powerhouses. J.Lo just wants to point out that Idol produced Carrie Underwood. Success, see?
First up for his chance at that potential Idol success: Andrew Annello, a 22-year-old from Alabama who says he has no nerves and can’t even fathom why he would possibly be nervous. His family has a lot of neon poster board signs with them, which typically signals a huge fail is about to happen. Ehhhhh, nervous.
Andrew, a true frustration of a human being, does a little dance in the creepy holding chamber, and enters the audition room to call Harry “bro” and to kiss Jennifer’s hand. Ew, I hate this guy. I hope he’s terrible.
He gives us a little “Signed, Sealed, Delivered,” and he’s not terrible, but he’s behaving like a cartoon. And the judges, to their credit, tell him as much. So Harry asks him to cut the silly and he does, and gives us a very high school choir performance of “My Girl” (a good high school choir, but not something that I want to hear on the radio). But Andrew gets through because the judges didn’t have to witness his frustrating personality in the holding room like we did. They’ll find out soon enough.
Andrew tells his mother “You boy going to Hollywood, dawg,” then brings her in to meet Harry. She’s really cute, and she hugs Harry really tight and calls him a living doll. I like her a lot. Can she audition?
Our second hopeful of the day is Loren Lott, 21, who’s very pleasant. She takes on Bruno Mars’ “Treasure” (how much do we love the piano accompaniment?). Loren is super cute and well, her voice is not bad, but it’s not particularly pleasing either. Harry tells Loren, who’s an actress, that he’d like to hear her sing something not as an actress. Interesting challenge, Har. Keith echoes: Sing like you’re doing the dishes and no one’s around, because that’s when the best singing is done. Then Harry accidentally implies that J.Lo doesn’t do dishes, and she immediately becomes Jenny from the block: “Why would you assume I don’t do the dishes, fool?” (So we’re having a bit more judges’ time tonight, way more hijinks than last night, but whatever, I dig it.)
Loren takes her second stab at it, and it’s better. If I had her voice, I’d definitely never shut up and would force my friends to go to karaoke all the time so I could be a star; but she’s asking to be a superstar, so I’m on the fence, and so are the judges. (Judges, maybe if you’re this unsure about someone, you should pass on them.) Harry says no, but J.Lo says yes because she’s in a good mood. Loren says “oh my gosh this never happens!” and makes me wonder what exactly she’s doing in her spare time, and how many national television show auditions she’s being rejected from. Anyway, we’ll see her in Hollywood. Sigh. Same mistakes, same mistakes.
NEXT: Ryan drives a rickshaw.