TONIGHT IS THE ULTIMATE TALENT THROWDOWN.
Or so says the scary typeface that kicks off the episode. It’s kind of frightening, and it’s blood red. So clearly we’re getting some drama tonight. They have 80 folks left tonight, and they’ve gotta get it down to 48, which is scary. The good news is, J.Lo has on an amazing gold shirt made of chains.
Solo performances are tonight, now that we’re close to escaping Hollywood Week. First up is Lauren Lott, who, as regular readers know, I don’t understand. Her rendition of “Skyfall” is, in my opinion, the best she’s ever sounded. So I get it now, finally—only took four performances. She gets a standing O from J.Lo.
Oh, Daniel Seavey, how precious you are. Look at his creamy complexion. When Danny Seavey is 23 years old, he’s going to be such a heartbreaker. And he knows it, and he can’t wait. Keith says he’s like “a giggly kid that landed in somebody’s incredibly musical body, and you can’t believe how lucky you are.” That’s a weird thing to say, but it makes total sense. I love Daniel Seavey.
Isn’t it ridiculous when you see contestants who have been in the spotlight for like, .25 seconds, arguing with the crew, technicians, and band coordinator? Big Sexy Ron is arguing right now, and it’s absurd. Listen to the professionals, sir. This is an amateur competition. Ron argues that he’s “been humble the whole time,” which I’d say is true, but it’s not true in this moment.
Big Sexy takes on “Let’s Get It On” (unsurprisingly), and boy’s voice is smooth for sure. I’m not sure that it’s the best we’ve heard him sound, but his personality and charm always give him the boost. OH WAIT. He has the nerve to trash talk longtime musical director Ricky Minor on stage, to the judges, and then even implies that Ricky Minor has short-man complex. What a lousy thing to do, Big Sexy. Mistake, mistake, mistake. You lost me, Big Sexy.
Ugh, Shi. With her crop tops and maxi skirts and Jennifer Beals hair and stupidly spelled name and absolutely gorgeous voice. Shi’s feeling anxious tonight, to the point of hyperventilation. Her take on Etta James’ “All I Could Do Was Cry” is solid, as she has been the entire time. This girl makes me crazy, but let’s be real: She’s gorgeous, insanely talented, and I think she should be a finalist. She gets some tough criticisms, though, so we’ll see.
Hooray for rock ‘n’ roll Jimmy Fallon! Adam Lasher is still good and still seems cool, until you see that giant neon American Idol sign behind him. Whatever, they need him. He’s super hot and super talented and really knows how to wear boots.
First round of elimination is upon us. Of the five we just saw perform, the judges keep Shi, Lauren, and Daniel, and get rid of Ron and Adam, to my sincere surprise. Brush it off, Adam, you’re too cool for this primetime show anyway.
NEXT: RIP psychic cat.
So we leave Adam and Big Sexy behind, and move onto our next round of contestants forced to do one final performance. Quentin Alexander’s sultry version of Vance Joy’s “Riptide” is 100 percent better than Vance Joy’s (sorry) AND he got a sartorial lesson from J.Lo on how to dramatically take off your coat. So Quentin should feel on top of the world.
Next, Maddie, Trevor—who has really emerged as one of my favorites—and Alexis perform next. The good news is that Maddie is sporting less makeup than usual, and Trevor is still a precious angel baby, and Alexis doesn’t seem to be on the verge of a meltdown. The bad news is that Alexis just cannot find her key, and I don’t think she even realizes it. Harry has to stop her and tell her to get her starting note and try again—not a great sign. Take two is literally no better, and she immediately falls out of key again. Harry gives it to her straight, once again proving his commitment to musicianship.
Jax, in the meantime, serenades her parents with “Let It Be,” and once again, I gotta say, I’m shocked by how much I’ve come to love this girl. She’s so talented and down to earth. I think she’s got it.
You know what I forgot? That Michael Simeon, J.Lo’s prom date, is still on this show! I honestly totally forgot about him. He’s really good, but man, is he vanilla. I’d let him go, but we’ll find out soon enough.
My favorite beanie-wearer Nick Fradiani—I love his little face—is better than I think the producers have realized. He hasn’t had enough screen time as a hot talented young thang. God, I love him.
So the chick with the psychic cat—the cat, sadly, has apparently died since her audition—wails through Heart’s “Alone,” a bold move considering anyone who watches this show associates that song with Carrie Underwood, which was a flawless moment back in Season 4. There’s no comparison. It’s also a really bad performance.
Nick makes it, so does Michael Simeon. I’m confused because they don’t show us the verdict of Jax or Trevor. Editing is so confusing. Anyway, in other people who get eliminated: Jessica Lamb (I’m super pissed about this) and skinny hottie Alex Shier. Can’t win ‘em all, I guess.
Sidenote: What is this leather baby blue tufted sofa the judges are sitting on whilst talking to the contestants one-on-one? Where is this room? Why haven’t we seen it before? Is anyone going to explain what the hell it is? Or WHERE it is?
NEXT: Lost lyrics and the fate of our favorites.
Clark Beckham, everyone’s favorite busker, is looking to escape the busker life. And he’s earning it with this keyboard-supported version of “Try A Little Tenderness,” which, I would argue, is the best song of all time. Clark is good. He’s perfect for the pop world, but he’s got some serious heart and talent and soul and just enough musical theater in his voice to keep me realllllll happy.
“Skinny Love,” a truly perfect song for Mark Andrews, is a pleasant thing to listen to, but it’s not the best we’ve seen from him, vocally, and he forgets the lyrics on top of it. The judges are obviously disappointed—he’s been a favorite the entire time—but I hope they find some forgiveness for him. I think he should go to the next round. Keith, only now realizing that “these kids are so tired” is quickly brought back to reality by J.Lo, who pretty much says it’s a huge opportunity and they should suck it the hell up.
Oh, thank god. Mark and Clark are both through. And Kristen Stewart look-alike Shannon Berthiaume also gets through because, as we’ve known since her audition, she’s remarkably talented.
How do you guys feel about Joey Cook? Is she authentic and charming or is she just a frustration? Last time we saw her, she forgot the lyrics, and the judges are icily silent after she wraps her solo performance of “Across the Universe.” Then she gets nauseated and we see her gag into a garbage can a couple of times. Unnecessary, producers.
Lovey James, Tyanna Jones (UGH, so good), and Rayvon Owen, my absolute favorite ever ever ever, perform next, along with baby Keith Urban, a.k.a. Riley Bria. Moment of truth: Rayvon, Riley, Tyanna, and Joey make it. See ya, Lovey. This is a great round for us. Also, RAYVON. I want him to win.
Guys, WE MADE IT. Next week the top 48 hit the House of Blues stage, and we find our top 24. This was a good Hollywood Week for all of us. Did you lose any favorites? I lost a couple, but the one who matters made it: Rayvon. See you guys next week.
P.S. Is anyone clear on the outcome of Maddie and Trevor?