Day three, kids. Get ready for more dismissals, more tears, more anxiety attacks, and yes, more Group Night.
The judges explain, while sitting in a box in the empty theater like a trio of absolute freaks, that Group Night is telling because it shows them how the contestants handle stress. Thanks, guys. If anyone actually needed this explainer, I’m sincerely worried.
Remember when Alexis passed out last week before she was supposed to perform with Sal’s Gals? We’re back to Alexis this episode, and she’s been cleared by the medics and looks oddly cheerful. Let’s see how they do.
I really want to dislike Sal, the world’s oldest looking 19-year-old, but damn, I find him to be so entertaining. As for Sal’s Gals, they’re not doing so hot. The group sings Train’s “Drive By,” and the performance is flat. I’m chalking it up to a weird song choice and a weird arrangement. Sadly, my buddy Sal gets sent home, along with two of his gals including Katie Kime, while anxiety-ridden Alexis and Jax move on. Sal could not be more gracious about this development. Wait, do I love Sal?
The following group includes baby Keith Urban look-alike Riley Bria and 15-year-old Emily Brooke. The other gentleman in their group is beat-boxing as the others sing “With a Little Help From My Friends.” Emily is apparently sick and has been vomiting, so everyone is nervous about this performance. I’m going to be honest with you guys: I did not enjoy this performance at all. So imagine my surprise when all four of them go through! This is why I’m not a judge.
Next up is a group I’m very excited about: Cody Fry, love of my life Rayvon Owen, Piper Jones, and a girl whose name I honestly don’t know, and for that I apologize. Anyhow, they sing a pared down version of “Since U Been Gone,” and it’s beautiful. Fun fact? These four all went to college together, and they are all buddies! You really can spot kids who went to music school from a mile away. I bet they were in an a cappella group. I bet they watch Pitch Perfect all the time. I bet they’ll watch it tonight! They all go through.
The next group sounds absolutely wretched and every one is sent on their un-merry way. One of the members, who looks like he’s in the beginning stages of growing some Harry Styles hair, complains that he was taken down by people he doesn’t know, and that he’s a solo artist. Honestly, contestants, you’ve all watched the show enough to know not to say these things. Say these things to a camera, and they will make you look like a jackass on national television. And it will be deserved. Buh-bye.
NEXT: Tiny Daniel Seavey asks the ladies to keep their clothes on.