Are you ready? Are you ready for this? Are you hanging on the edge of your seat? Okay you can scooch back now. No surprises here: Your wacky aunt Elise was eliminated on last night’s Elise Testone and the Tiny Teens. They can finally change the name of the show. (Tiny Queens.)
Last night the judges knocked Elise’s obscure Jimi Hendrix song choice, and tonight Jimmy Iovine ragged on her Queen choice as well. He called it a “monotone stadium anthem” that had “come off clubby — like I was in a nightclub somewhere in the back of beyond.” Funny, “a nightclub somewhere in the back of beyond” seems like exactly where Elise has been wanting to perform this whole time. She was sick of performing in bed and bath, is all. It may be time to start living in a tent.
Elise and this show had fallen out of love long ago. Why else would she be spending her afternoons making origami animals at lonely outdoor cafes instead of shopping at the American Idol Outlet Mall (just a giant oval of Tommy Hilfigers) and driving a Ford? Skylar’s gotta have it, Ryan!
Skylar Laine may have been the star of the Ford Music Video (and this is officially the highest word count I’ve ever devoted to the Ford Music Video), but she landed in the bottom three this week along with Elise and little Hollie Cavanagh. Jimmy criticized Skylar’s decision to go with Jason Aldean’s “Tattoos On This Town” — “If you’re going to do a song for one town, it has to appeal to the whole country,” he snarled. “In my opinion, she got knocked out in round two.”
Good try with the foreshadowing, Jimmy. Skylar was safe!
Unsung Hero of the Night:
The teen girl shrugging it off like it ain’t no thang after she didn’t get a Ryan Seacrest handshake. (The years of shame and regret will kick in tomorrow.)
My Very First Animated Gif!
J. Lo had a whole lotta love for Elise’s farewell song.
NEXT: Katy Perry honors Jessica’s military dad with a special song