Attention, potential ticket buyers for the American Idol season 7 tour: Amanda Overmyer will not — for better or for worse — be part of the lineup.
But don’t shed any tears for the Rock & Roll Nurse from Mulberry, Ind. As she noted on Tuesday night following her howling, energetic, and not particularly in-tune rendition of ”Back in the U.S.S.R.,” she’s spent her Idol run simply trying ”to show America what they would see if they came to my show and bought a ticket to see me.”
And when Simon reminded her that — hold up just one second — her tickets were not yet on sale, Amanda expressed a wonderfully non-delusional outlook, the kind you rarely hear from the contestants who never really stood a chance of winning: ”Even I if need to sell out a local bar in Lafayette [Ind.]. That’s all I’m sayin’.”
Or as Paula Abdul poetically told Amanda, ”When you connect, you are quintessential, authentic who-you-are.”
(I pause for moment while we all collectively make our ”devil horns” hand gestures and stick our tongues out as far as they’ll go.)
Anyhow, while I can’t say I’ll really miss Amanda’s singing, I will miss the gnarly jolt of hairspray and eyeliner and gin-soaked angst she brought to the stage each week. And really, wouldn’t you rather have downed that wicked cocktail for another couple weeks as opposed to the bland tap water that is Ramiele ”Crinkle Nose” Malubay?
Actually, a TV Watch message-board poster by the name of Vic would probably answer no to that question: ”I’ve been wondering since audition rounds what, exactly, Amanda Overmyer’s appeal is,” he wrote. ”The scary hair? The twitchy, rigid ‘dancing’? The fact that she looks like she could kick Ryan’s ***? Honestly, who would pay to be assaulted by that sound, over and over again? I’m, just… completely at a loss here.”
But heck, even if you loathe Amanda — and a lot of you TV Watch readers do — you’ve got to admit America has robbed itself of the extraordinary opportunity of seeing the streaky-haired howler monkey working with musical-theater titan Andrew Lloyd Webber and Mariah Carey (who, combined with Dolly Parton and Neil Diamond, make up a pretty a-mah-zing and well-edited group of season 7 mentors).
Imagine it: Amanda Overmyer + ”Vision of Love” = Watercooler Moment of 2008.
Instead, we get another week of — cue slightly off-key fiddles, please! — Kristy Lee Cook! (Note I have not yet found the emotional strength to discuss this week’s other bottom-three dweller. More on her in a moment.)
After besmirching not one but two cherished Beatles hits in the course of a week, the horse-lovin’ Oregonian will be saddlin’ up again next week to try to make good on her Tuesday-night statement to Simon (which I regrettably misquoted): ”I can blow you out of your socks, and you know it.” (Maybe if Fantasia teaches her how to deliver ”Amazing Grace” with all the soul and gorgeousness she displayed in that sweet Idol Gives Back package from Angola? Any of you jonesing for a ‘Tasia-Elliott duet? Love it!)
Anyway, sorry I got sidetracked by my fandom there. I know I’ve heaped a lot of abuse on Kristy Lee the last five weeks, and I’ll admit that given the way she handles herself with grace and good humor in the face of the judges’ disdain, well, I’m starting to feel just a little bad. So let me pass the mike to you guys to discuss Kristy Lee’s performance this week.
”If last week’s debacle of ‘Eight Days a Week’ didn’t get Kristy Lee Already Has a Contract booted from the competition, surely her version of ‘You’ve Got to Hide Your Love Away’ will,” wrote Penny Lane. ”First of all, it’s a self-pitying love song — you don’t smile and wink when you’re feeling sorry for yourself. Pay attention to the lyrics and what they mean, dearie. The performance was incongruous with the song. It was even more painful to watch because of it. The listening wasn’t so good either.”
Libbie, meanwhile, observed that ”Halfway through the show, I couldn’t even remember what Kristy Lee sang. How forgettable was THAT?”
And a reader named Rosita was enraged by a certain Idol host’s efforts to get out the vote for the blond country wannabe: ”We’re praying that Giddyup (aka Kristy Lee) FINALLY gets the boot tonight,” she wrote. ”What really made us nauseous was Ryan saying to her at the end, after reading her phone number, ‘No one here wants you to leave, Kristy!’ We were so pissed off at him! HE’S the only one that doesn’t want her to leave — give us an effing break!!”
NEXT: Almost bye-bye, ”Blackbird”