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American Idol recap: Talk to the Inked-Up Hand

The manicured claws come out in another round of dramatic bitchery and forgotten lyrics

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Zoanette Johnson Love Me

American Idol

TV Show
Current Status:
In Season
Harry Connick Jr., Jennifer Lopez, Keith Urban, Ryan Seacrest
Reality TV

Wednesday’s two-hour Hollywood Round 2.0 showcased “some of the greatest female performances we’ve ever seen,” according to Ryan Seacrest, who served up painfully few lines this episode and, at times, the illusion of an all-denim outfit. I wouldn’t go that far — sure, we saw some standouts tonight in Candice Glover, Janelle Arthur, Rachel Hale, and Angela Miller — but it was not an off-the-charts remarkable collection of tryouts in any way. Quirk monster Kez Ban did hock what sounded like the World’s Biggest Female Loogie into an open-air trash can. Maybe that’s what Ryan meant. Ryan is so silly!

As in the guys’ first-round showcase last week, we saw few a cappella performances from the ladies and were left wondering about a few “necessary but brutal cuts” because we never got to hear them sing. “Crutches girl” Megan Miller, hilarious rubber-band ball Ashley Smith, “Idol nominee and newlywed” Ann Difanti, and Sarah Restuccio, the awesome and easygoing New Yorker who spontaneously rapped “Super Bass” during her audition, were sent home. Why? Oh well. It was also a no for anorexia sufferer Mariah Pulice, who I thought sang solo way better than mariachi singer Victoria Acosta. I hope Mariah’s sister doesn’t actually “make her come back.” Please! No! Save yourself, again.

Better to just move onto the groups instead of mentioning everyone Idol specifically made sure to show, however briefly, during that first round. “Aw, group night’s fun!” exclaimed Kez Ban. “I used to be in chorus.” Ha! Welcome to hell, honey, where all the little chorus girls grew up and turned into big, bad “I GOT MONEY AND I’M IN MY CAR”-warbling monsters.

Is everyone enjoying group night so far?

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