Bet you’ll think twice before ever ordering pâté from hotel room service.
That room-service request (and the awful, so-terrible-you’re-glad-to-see-them-go hipsters who made it) gave this week’s episode its title and also brought Iris and Liz Taylor closer together. But there’s also that little problem of tween bloodsuckers — not the sparkly kind — outside the Cortez’s walls.
That new development is courtesy of Alex, who is making her hospital rounds while not looking too healthy herself. Her temperature? A cool 70-something degrees. She visits Max’s room, where he’s taken a turn for the worse (PSA: Vaccinate your kids!). She vows to his distraught mother that she won’t give up on him, and as they hug, we can hear her blood pounding in Alex’s ears.
After drinking her fill in the hospital’s blood bank, Alex draws some of her own — I thought to run tests on this ancient virus, but instead she injects it into Max’s IV. His heart starts racing, his body shakes, and then, suddenly, his eyes open very wide. He recovers in seemingly miraculous fashion from his illness (though Alex, of course, knows better), and he’s allowed to be sent home.
Elsewhere, Donovan pays an early-morning call to Ramona Royale, with a now-turned Iris in tow. Ramona isn’t happy about the company and says Donovan is useless in her plan for vengeance, but he says his mother can be the inside man (er, woman) she wants at the Hotel Cortez. Iris argues the Countess will know the moment she sees her, but Donovan scoffs that no one ever sees her. Which, Ramona adds, makes her the perfect for the job.
She returns to the Cortez, where Liz Taylor serves her a drink and then says it’s from the Countess’ special stash (“I’m drinking blood?” Iris asks. “With a dash of triple sec,” Liz replies). It’ll hold her over for a few hours, but then she’ll need to find fresh blood. Lucky for her, some prime candidates will be there soon.
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Home from the hospital, Max takes getting breakfast to go to a whole new level, feeding on his parents (and, it looks like, killing them in the process) before casually hopping on the school bus in a pirate costume. It is Halloween, after all, and a classmate dressed as a witch sneaks off with him to an empty room. They kiss, but Max startles her by biting her lip hard enough to draw blood. He then bites his own and says she can taste his blood, too.
Their teacher finds her writhing in pain and rushes to help, but Max slashes her throat and instructs his new vampire pal to drink. Another teacher finds his classmates covered in rashes on the classroom floor and Madelyn drinking from the bloody body (“It’s not my fault,” she says plaintively, before bending down for more). Max cuts his throat and tells the other students to drink, but he escapes down the hall, where other school officials see him and put the school on lockdown.
Police vehicles rush to the scene, television crews and concerned parents gather outside — a scene we’ve seen far too many times on the news. Cops go into the school, find the blood-soaked scene, and bring the children out to safety, including Max, Madelyn, and their other (seemingly all now card-carrying vampire) friends. They say a man wearing all black and a mask carried out the attack, and Max assures the police he can tell them exactly what happened.
NEXT: Happy Halloween, Hipsters! (And the story of Liz Taylor)