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American Horror Story: Hotel recap: Battle Royale

Everyone tries to kill the Countess.

Posted on

Ray Mickshaw/FX

American Horror Story

TV Show
run date:
Sarah Paulson, Evan Peters
Current Status:
In Season

So Iris and Liz Taylor come barging into the penthouse guns blazing. Their bullets hit the Countess like once, but mostly they hit Donovan, who goes full Clint-Eastwood-in-In-the-Line-of-Fire and body-protects his lady love. Donovan, fair to say, is a bit surprised to find out that his Mom was the one who wound up killing him. “You can’t let me die in this place,” he says. Iris does him a final kindness and carries him outside. He thanks her and calls her “Mom” and dies.

Liz and Iris only wanted to kill the Countess. They walked into the room specifically trying to kill the Countess. Naturally, they didn’t kill the Countess. Sally saves the Countess, fixing all her wounds up with her druggie medical knowledge. “They don’t call me Hypodermic Sally for nothing,” says Sally, who I can’t recall ever being called Hypodermic Sally, but maybe everyone was just being nice.

RELATED: American Horror Story Stars: Then & Now

Sally flashes us back to 1993, before she gave Donovan a nasty heroin overdose. She meets a couple hardcore rockers, and they all go to the Cortez, and they have so much fun between the drugs and the sex, and then Sally decides to sew themselves all together because she is so happy. Need to repeat that, I think: SALLY DECIDES TO SEW THEMSELVES ALL TOGETHER. Naturally, the other two die of a drug overdose; naturally, she is tormented by the sex demon; naturally, she keeps coming back to the Hotel Cortez, until she can’t leave ever again.

Now, Sally nurses the Countess back to health. That nursing requires the sacrificial death of her “children” — she needs pure blood, and she sucks them dry. Meanwhile, Iris says goodbye to Donovan, now reduced to ashes. She tells the maid to vacuum up the residue. “I’ll have him all scooped up in a jiffy!” says Mare Winningham, god willing winning an Emmy this year.

Iris and Liz need help. They need someone to kill the Countess, without getting sidetracked by little things like “not being able to point guns straight” and “carrying your vampire son outside to die where his ghost won’t haunt.” They go into the prison block to free Ramona. Ramona has thirsted on all the little vampire kids, but she needs more. She needs to hunt. She needs to kill.

Enter Queenie.

NEXT: Exit Gaga.