Did you know that Jack the Ripper was a Windsor? Well, he was, and he probably just wanted to be a dancer and express himself, too. I myself, am no Windsor, nor am I affluent enough to have anyone even close to warranting their own Criminal Minds episode within my family tree; I am, however, filling in for your regular recapper, Darren, on the night that Ryan Murphy decided to roll out the enlarged clitoris plotline, and the murder of Matt Bomer (why must the best guests always leave us?), so it’s quite possible that there’s at least something a little psychotic rolling around in here, anyway.
Last week we got a grim look into some of our favorite characters’ pasts, and this week we peeked into their even grimmer future. Or, maybe we didn’t—never trust a flash forward and never trust a man with a mustache, pink cupcakes, and a syringe full of poison.
Edward Mordrake has left the circus tent, and with all of Elsa’s performers safe, now they only have to worry about the raving psycho with funds to spare, an enabling mother, and access to what is surely a bounty of abdominal oil. After the death of Twisty, tonight’s episode felt like the start of a new chapter, and the AHS writers packed a lot in: a trip to the doctor’s office, a trip to the strip club, a beautiful guest star, another trip to the doctor’s office, an imagined murder (double-murder?), a real murder, and an elongated commentary on the cesspit that is television and how it killed cinema. And now, onto your television program!
The episode appears to open in a flash-forward, with Stanley and Maggie in the audience of the grand opening of “Modern Mutations” back at the American Morbidity Museum they formerly tried to scam. Stanley is feeling pretty proud of himself this time around though for providing the specimens that are about to be unvei—hold the phone, that is the Illustrated Seal Boy… in a tank… dead.
Flash-back to present and Stanley is discussing how they should go about getting the tanks to put the freaks’ bodies in once they’ve killed and collected them. To get to the specimens that will make them the big bucks though, he’s going to need to keep an in with Elsa, as she is somehow still running that show. Maggie is looking real dubious about all the murder talk, as Lobster Boy recently saved her from being sawed in half, and I guess that kind of changes your outlook on life and its worth. Mostly though, she wants Stanley to get rid of the muscle man mags that keep falling out of his suitcase because, “the only thing people in Jupiter hate more than freaks are poofs.”
Oh hey, speaking of… everyone back at the camp is preparing to perform for their first sold-out crowd—thanks for becoming the town hero, Jimmy—but their Strong Man is nowhere to be found. Let me be straightforward with you here: I do not like Dell. He’s excellently acted by Michael Chiklis, but in a show full of killer clowns, that guy has been the certified Worst. Wouldn’t you know it though, the bad boy of the Freak Show is in love, and it does reveal a bit of his softer side, even if that softer side is still pretty yell-y. But it’s not his wife, Desiree, he’s all goo-goo for; no, it’s the prettiest boy down at the For Gentlemen By Gentlemen’s club, Andy, played by Matt Bomer. For Jupiter to be so against “poofs,” there’s certainly got quite the booming social scene.
Matt Bomer has those sparkling eyes that anyone could fall in love with, and it seems that Dell the Strong Man has been making his way to the club and paying for, ahem, his time, just about every day since he rolled into town a month ago. He’s taking this time to tell him how much he loves him, he needs him, oh baby, oh baby. “I got a heart, ya know… I feel things,” the Strong Man says to the paid boy. But that’s exactly what he is: paid. He tells Dell he’s just doing his job, and he needs Dell to understand that he does all the things he’s doing with him with lots of guys. “THERE ARE NO OTHER GUYS BUT ME!!!” Ah, yes, there’s the Dell we know.
Alas, Desiree insists, we don’t know Dell. When Jimmy goes looking for him in his trailer, he finds Desiree instead, drunk and crying about the how happy she and Dell used to be. So, Jimmy sits down to comfort her, but then starts crying about how it’s all his fault that Meep died, because that’s a thing he does fairly regularly, and then he kisses Desiree, because that’s a thing that does not make sense. I guess he’s still reeling due to an earlier rejection by Maggie/Esmerelda who just can’t because she’s “not in his future.” But whether it makes sense or not, Lobster Boy moves fast; unfortunately, when he gets down to Desi’s dual-parts, she starts screaming and suddenly there’s blood all over Jimmy’s hands and her legs.
NEXT: Man, she feels like a woman.