We are at the end of the rope on America’s Got Talent. It’s the final round of judge cuts, so Mel B. decided to invite someone who could help the panel dash the dreams of young dancers and ambitious singing groups from sea to shining sea. It’s Piers Morgan! YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE. If it were up to Mr. Morgan, all 20 acts would be going home tonight. Fortunately for those nervously pacing backstage, Piers doesn’t call the shots. Well, he calls the shot for one lucky golden buzzer winner. Let’s see who made the cut…
Why you remember them: Bespectacled brothers who dance in tiny suits.
Zack and Cameron dance like they are ready to roll up in da club in pursuit of some ladies. Like last time, there was a lot of pelvic thrusting up on that stage. Grumpy Howard and Piers shake their confidence, promising that they aren’t exciting enough to win over an audience at Radio City Music Hall. Nick Cannon is quick to offer his two cents—The Gentlemen are dope. He’s totally mentoring them.
Why you remember him: Pulled a playing card out of his butt crack.
Derek asks Howie to think of a city and Mel B. to think of a man’s name. He flippantly scribbles names on a pad (that we can’t see) and then crumbles the paper into a ball, flustered that he didn’t get it right. Howard has to flip through a dictionary and say the word at the top of the page. Low and behold, it’s the word that Derek wrote on his pad. And guess what? The balled up paper on the floor DID have Howie’s city and Mel B.’s name! Everyone was impressed, except Piers of course. He clearly needs some attention. Where’s the professional hug lady when you need her?
Why you remember them: Two very buff Vlads who balance on each other
I’m not exactly sure how it was possible for Vlad 1 to balance on Vlad 2’s head without breaking his neck. That was exciting enough. Then they pulled out the knives! Are you kidding me? Heidi and I nearly had a heart attack.
Why you remember them: They were dating. He broke up with her. She lets him dangle her from very high places. I assume they are in counseling.
Duo Volta executed a very controlled act full of hard tricks. I would have pegged it in the circus act genre if she hadn’t literally been wearing a nightie.
Why you remember her: Soul singer in the package of a petite woman
Alicia is the perfect balance of confidence and nerves. She is comfortable on the stage in a way that feels very natural—like she was born to be there. Yet she is humble about her performance. She sang “Who’s Loving You” made famous by the Jackson 5 and nailed it. Some of the judges believe she overcompensated at times. In the end, the audience was on her side.
Why you remember them: Their fourth member hurt his leg in round one.
One boy, two girls, bodies flying, and lime green fringe. What more can you ask for?
Why you remember him: Elegant dancer in suspenders
Aaron has the fastest pirouettes I’ve ever seen. It’s as if he’s an ice skater. He flies all over the stage in a way that makes me feel like he should be on So You Think You Can Dance instead of a broad talent show. He is definitely gifted, but I probably wouldn’t pay money to see him.
Why you remember them: Combine dance moves with technology
Six members and one stage manager make up the group SIRO-A. You have to see their performance to really understand the originality and creativity that goes into every move. I can’t imagine how perfect the timing has to be in order to pull off their choreography. Piers agrees with me and punches his golden buzzer. It’s straight through to Radio City!
NEXT: He swallowed what?[pagebreak]
Why you remember him: Dorky stand-up comedian
Gary is about as subtle as they come. His delivery has Howard giggling like a little boy. The backstage people LOVE him. Mel B. concedes that even though she didn’t really like his shtick, she understands that comedy is subjective. Time will tell if he’s the best of the comedians left in the competition.
Why you remember him: He wasn’t featured in round one
The girls immediately buzz Kayvon for trying too hard as he sings “You Spin Me Round” by Dead or Alive with an entourage of wacky-haired backup dancers. The guys laugh, assuming that Kayvon is just performing a bit. Piers looks bored. When Kayvon takes to the piano, Howard pushes his button. It’s good-bye to our feathery friend. But wait! Kayvon does not want to leave the stage! Instead, he insults Mel B. and compares himself to Lady Gaga. Enter Piers who chastises Kayvon for being completely obnoxious. Buh-bye KZ.
Why you remember them: So good.
I thought their rendition, even though it was abbreviated, of “Bring Him Home” from Les Miserables was great. Piers hated the way they dressed. Heidi was quick to remind him that wardrobe choices are totally fixable. Howard delivers the kiss of death by telling the guys that no one will remember them by the end of the night. Pool your cab money, Vox. This does not bode well.
Why you remember him: Sang “Shake It Off” and had a fabulous feather collar
This time Alex sings another current hit: “Uptown Funk.” He has an entire band of people who back him up. Just like Bruno Mars! The energy is palpable. The sweat is profuse. And once again, Howard is the voice of reason: They sound like a wedding band. Yikes.
Why you remember him: Because he’s unforgettable
I’d like to personally thank NBC for the disclaimer to NOT try this at home. Otherwise, I would have swallowed a sharp razor blade and one small cherry tomato to see if I could cut it in half INSIDE MY OWN STOMACH like Steve did. What in this world? Sadly, swallowing coins and hurling them back up in a different order didn’t seem that big of a deal after the whole tomato thing. Naturally, Stevie one upped me by swallowing a clip and pinching it to the final coin inside his belly and belching it back up. Using his stomach muscles, of course. Get this guy a golden buzzer. For real.
The judges waste no time traipsing all of the acts out onto the stage to let them know that they were not chosen. Dance trio Semeneya, singers Duwende, dance group Technicianz, and the dude who slammed himself against a bunch of mouse traps will not be moving on to Radio City.
The Vlads, folk singer Kacey Jones, soloist Aaron Smyth, The Move dance crew, Vox (this makes me sad), and Alex Boye are also at the end of their journey. So many tears!
The Gentlemen brothers, Stevie’s huge esophagus, and Duo Vox will be moving on. Gary the comedian, singer Alicia, and Derek the magician round out the last three spots headed for Radio City Music Hall.
What did you think? Will you miss the Vlads and their pecs as much as I will? Do you think The Gentlemen will take their dirty dancing to the next level in New York? Are you rooting for Stevie to go the distance? Or are you rooting to get through his act without gagging? I’m doing both.