From Vietnam to Cambodia, the ”thank goodness they don’t hold a grudge” leg of The Amazing Race continues! Mind you, this show is under no obligation to acknowledge any past horrors that any visited country has dealt with in the past; this is an entertainment show, not a guided tour of atrocities. But it did feel odd to hear Phil announce that the next destination would be Phnom Penh and not note any of the country’s ugliness from the past 40 years, from American bombing to the Khmer Rouge. I could see the producers awkwardly planning this leg: ”So, what’s interesting about Cambodia that we can use? Well, they make one hell of a scarf! Anything else? No…nothing comes to mind. Bombing? Does not ring a bell. And wait, Pol who? Now you’re just making things up! Nope, just scarves!” And was it my imagination, or during the montage intro to the country, was there a shot of a furiously masturbating monkey? Talk about your decoys! If I wanted to distract someone from pondering history, I’d consider trotting out a masturbating monkey, too. Pretty hard to concentrate on the Killing Fields when there’s a monkey pleasuring himself on your TV screen.
Sorry, what was I talking about? All I can think of is monkey porn. Oh yes, episode 3 of The Amazing Race! The teams were all giddy to go as it began, doling out fun facts like:
1) Flight Time just cleaned Big Easy’s underwear. If there’s one thing you learn as a Harlem Globetrotter, it’s that at any moment, someone can pull down your pants, so you’d better be ready with clean underwear.
2) Under the guise of a haphazard metaphor about how many animals they’d seen on the Race, Brian and Ericka called themselves ”Team Jungle Fever.” Yeesh, I haven’t heard a group of people call this much attention to their color since Blue Man Group.
Everyone arrived at the Ho Chi Minh City airport in the early evening, and the first flight to Cambodia left at 12:25pm the next day, so there was going to be a lot of sitting around. Everyone got on the first flight except for Lance and Keri and Justin and Zev, who got seats at the last minute on standby. Justin was so happy he asked the ticket agent for a hug, even though she was wearing a surgical mask. Quick hint, Justin: If someone’s wearing a mask and they’re not in the O.R., odds are they’re not that fond of human contact. Save your hugs for the masturbating monkeys.
Zev and Justin got in a cab with driver Terry, who became their new best friend. He stuck with them through every route marker; Zev had joked with him, ”Don’t leave us, or I’m gonna call your mother.” While on the way to the Vietnam airport, Zev made a similar ”I’ll tell your mother” joke to another cabbie. Zev has said that he has trouble veering from a routine: I had no idea that also applied to his comedy routines. I’d hate to be around when he gets his hands on a knock-knock joke he really likes.
NEXT: Jackie Kennedy? Who the hell is that?