Every week there is one thing I neglect to mention that readers chastise me for over and over again on the message boards: last week it was failing to note Phil Keoghan in his underpants. I thought I would save everybody some time today and say in advance what I will not be mentioning: The guy at the pit stop blowing two recorders with his nose.
Oh, who am I kidding? I will be mentioning that guy over and over again. And it won’t stop with this TV Watch. I will continue to mention him in conversation. I will mention him in emails, text messages, and in prayers at my local house of worship. I will write songs about him, as well as crafting the sheet music for nose flute accompaniment. And on the day that I die, when I am asked if I have any regrets, I will whisper, “I never got to learn how to blow a flute out of my nose” and I will snicker to myself, even as no one around me knows what the hell I’m talking about. Yes, I will have squandered my last words in the service of referencing an obscure reality-TV moment, but it will have been worth it. I can only hope that as my last breath escapes me, I have the strength to jab a recorder up my nose so I expire with a strong B-flat.
This week The Amazing Race brought our fine competitors from the cold of Siberia to the heat of India. And when I say ”heat,” I’m not just talking about the temperature: that Slumdog Millionaire sure is all the rage! I was just glad that the contestants weren’t forced to swim through a pond of feces as an homage to the movie — but it was a close as we needed to get when Mel made a joke about Kacca airlines.
Tonight’s episode was lacking a bit. It wasn’t bad, but it lacked that killer moment that can really make an episode, where a team completely screws up. Everyone got to India with no flight troubles, and then dove into cabs. As soon as Mel and Mike announced their destination, their cabbie got out to ask directions. They tried to find a different cab, but realized that their backpacks were being held hostage in the locked trunk. Mel tried to yell at the cabbie, but he just didn’t have it in him. When they finally left, and Mel told him to hurry up, he quickly confessed, ”This race certainly isn’t important enough to dehumanize somebody else by yelling and screaming at them, so I’m gonna feel bad about it for the rest of the day.” What is this man doing on reality TV? First, a few weeks ago, he said that people shouldn’t bother God with their prayers to win a reality show, and now this? They should really quarantine him before his attitude spreads, otherwise there will be nobody like Jaime left to clap her hands at cabbies to get them to drive faster.
The cab rides took everyone through the Indian slums to find a sacred tree. The Drive Through the Slums is a staple of the Race, as it is a quick way to separate the sensitive people from the insensitive: The sensitive people feel empathy, while the other group just gets grossed out and whines about how dirty everything is. This year, however, everybody seemed to be affected, albeit for different species. Luke wept openly after he and his mother saw kids eating garbage. Jaime, on the other hand, teared up for all the poor hungry animals. Perhaps she just didn’t see the kids, as they were standing behind a hungry elephant at the time.
NEXT: Jaime’s full of aggressivity