People occasionally wonder why Survivor always shoots in blisteringly hot climates, and the answer is pretty obvious: Because Mark Burnett can’t get his cast in bikinis in Survivor: Siberia.
Advantage: Bertram Van Munster. Well played, sir, having your racers dash in their underwear through the Siberian streets. Sure, he couldn’t really keep that going for more than 20 minutes before his contestants’ appendages would start snapping off from frostbite—Cara wouldn’t look quite so attractive with black patches spreading across her face and her leaving her own brittle toes in her wake—but at least he tried.
But it’s not about the flesh with Van Munster. In fact, you have to respect his refusal to bend to the societal pressure to sex his show up. He kept his show in Siberia for two weeks running: that’s two weeks of parkas, with just a short break for a pixellated thong. I don’t think there’s a TV executive alive who preaches, ”You know what sells? Layers!”
The second Siberian leg began with Jodi and Christie leaving first at 12:36 p.m. But departure time was moot as they were headed to the Siberian Railroad for a 400-mile trek. Their train didn’t leave until 10:46 p.m., so everyone caught up: Another tip o’ the hat to the show’s new streamlining—once it was established after the second team’s start time that everyone would bunch up again, they didn’t bother showing us everyone else leaving. Bravo!
Everyone got sleeper cabins on the train: Mark was undoubtedly quite comfy in his bed, but Kisha, on the other hand, crabbed about how her legs stuck over the edge. As someone who is six foot seven inches tall, I can’t blame her for complaining. I spend about 73 percent of every day bitching about how clothes never fit me or how I hit my head on a low doorway or how the leg room sucks on this flight or in that theater. But I should note that a pattern is emerging with Kisha: when the season started, Jen looked like the complainer, but now there seems to be a sibling shift. When the sisters were first dashing toward the train station, Jen commented on how Russia is beautiful, to which Kisha replied, ”Beautiful, my ass!” I don’t think the Siberians will be rushing to put that slogan on their license plates.
There was an interesting moment when Mike was talking to Margie and Luke in their cabin in the morning. Mike said he slept like crap, and Luke made an exaggerated sad face and ran a finger down his cheek like a tear. ”Thanks Luke, real compassionate,” said Mike. It did seem like a mocking jab, but then I wondered: what if Luke felt legitimately bad, but the animated expressions that are a part of sign language came off like sarcasm? That would be an unfortunate miscommunication, and a real drag at funerals: You want to tell people that you’re sorry for their loss, but it comes off as, ”Waah, waah, the big baby misses his dead parent. Boo hoo for you.” Or, maybe Luke was just being a dick. It takes a deafer person than I to figure that out.
NEXT: Beware the sinister deaf kid!