So Nick and Starr won. I had a hard time putting words to my own reaction, but all I could come with was that it was the exact opposite of the words “yay” or “boo.” I didn’t just have no reaction, I experienced complete and utter indifference. It was as if someone rushed in and yelled excitedly that the results of the “What’s your favorite part of the tire?” poll were in from Wheelenthusiast.com, and it was lug nuts by a nose.
Nick and Starr’s win was also the only result that made sense. They had the best record of anyone, consistently finishing at the top of the pack, barring one or two bad legs. I mean, they began this last leg three and a half hours before the second place team. Ken and Tina were fine racers, despite all their bickering, but they didn’t have the record to support a win. And Dan and Andrew? They kept saying that if they pulled this out, it would be one of the biggest upsets of The Amazing Race ever. Yes, on the negligible chance that this happened, it would have been a huge upset, and it also would have rendered the entire season moot: If you can dunderhead your way through the Race, narrowly escaping elimination each week just because you suck an iota less than one other team, and then randomly win the final leg, then skill means nothing. It would be like me hopping into an Olympic swimming pool wearing water wings during the butterfly finals and nabbing the gold because everyone else randomly got an arm cramp.
As another advantage, Nick and Starr had something that (cue Huey Lewis!) the other two teams didn’t have: The Power of Love. I had to keep reminding myself that they were brother and sister, what with their exchanges of “I love you,” backseat cab cuddling, hand-holding, and affectionate touching of foreheads. Was this The Amazing Race or Flowers in the Attic? Their parents must be either very proud, or incredibly creeped out.
As the episode started, everyone was on the same final flight from Moscow to Portland, Oregon. Side note: When Starr and Nick were looking up flights online, and I saw that the trip took just over 15 hours, it hit me just how messed up Race contestants’ systems must be, what with these long-ass flights. And more importantly, can you imagine how many crappy in-flight movies they must see in one season? Instead of endgame quizzes about their various challenges and pit stops, they should get tested on plot points from Kevin Costner’s Swing Vote.
This early in the leg, the frat guys were still feeling cocky. “For people who think we’re gonna be chicken feed” for the other teams, said Dan, “they’re mistaken.” Or could it be that they’re right on the mark? Dan is the kind of guy who says, “It’s crazy but it just might work,” but it’s always ends up just being crazy. And not even crazy in an interesting way; more crazy like a guy who keeps maintaining that Robert Prosky was in Law & Order when he’s really got him mistaken with George Dzundza.
NEXT: Dan and Andrew’s continued bad-cabbie luck