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90210 recap: 'What Is That Heifer Doing With My Invite?'

Naomi tries to save Silver from a terrible fate, Oscar gets Dixon in trouble, and Annie discovers brotherly love

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90210 Naomi Age
Scott Humbert/The CW


TV Show
Current Status:
In Season
run date:
Rob Estes, Lori Loughlin, Shenae Grimes, Mack Wilds, AnnaLynne McCord, Jennie Garth, Jessica Walter
The CW

Last night’s 90210 was all about manipulation, and it made for one heckuva juicy follow-up to the season premiere. In West Bev, Jen is practically synonymous with scheming, so it was no surprise to see her back on the scene, and when she was done talking down to her assistant — who wisely quit — she transferred her rider list to her baby-daddy, Ryan. True to his lap-dog ways, he was there to pick up the pieces, most likely with French Vogue and sparkling lemonade in tow. I do love me some bitchy Jen, but I’m not much into seeing her softer side with the Ryan storyline. She’s a dish best served cold, usually in battle with Naomi, but the scene in the lawyer’s office — a perfect example of her strengths as a character — was way too short.

Jen’s crazy-pregnant-lady self was only aggravated by Naomi winning access to her trust fund. Would the young Clark spend it wisely, having learned what it was like to borrow money for cabs and shop off the rack? To quote my favorite high school flick, as if!

More money meant a lavish 18th birthday party with only the hottest guests (“What is that heifer doing with my invite?”) and water bottles, cookies, and tattoos all bearing Naomi’s visage. Adrian Grenier also stopped by with his Honey Brothers Band and provided the soundtrack for the party (a slightly less strange guest appearance than the Kardashians had last week, no?). The only interesting tidbit I got from Grenier’s gig — and the subsequent Google search it inspired — was that one of his band members is named Ari Gold. Entourage watchers, discuss!

Something had to be pretty major to stop Naomi from flirting with Vinny Chase, and prompt her to exit her Super Sweet 18. And boy, was it ever: The prospect of Mr. Cannon doing to Silver what he did to Naomi.

After Silver found out that Naomi had, in fact, macked on Teddy without a roofie-fueled haze, she fled the party and sought refuge in Cannon’s office. (Let me pause here to say I’m simultaneously so grossed out yet so intrigued by this rape storyline; the fact that 90210‘s writers handed it to my favorite actor on the show, AnnaLynne McCord, was like icing on the cake.)

Back to the episode, Mr. Cannon had invited Silver to help edit his documentary because the two had developed a pretty close adviser-advisee relationship. He opened up to her about his separation from his wife, she opened up to him about her failing friendship and relationship (Teddy was drinking again), he saved her scarf as a keepsake, and she praised his greatness. Her bruised heart clouded her judgment, compelled her to bat a few eyelashes at Mr. Cannon and desert Naomi after that startling rape confession.

Damn you, Cannon! Silver fell for our villain’s grotesque lie that Naomi was now obsessed with him, and that means my emotions will be screaming around the proverbial roller-coaster tracks until Silver knows the truth. But in the short term, it’s my eyes that are still feeling dizzy. Did anyone else suffer sartorial vertigo from all the prints Silver wore in the first half of the episode? Florals and polka dots and stripes, oh my! Even her notebook was polka-dotted!

Next: A bachelorette party during daylight hours…and yet nobody’s suspicious?