Jordan Runtagh
July 21, 2017 AT 03:07 PM EDT

Kiiara, the singer featured on Linkin Park’s penultimate single “Heavy” released in February, has written an emotional note to the band’s frontman Chester Bennington, who was found dead of an apparent suicide on Thursday at the age of 41.

“I don’t know what to say. This doesn’t feel real,” the singer, 22, began the message shared to her social media. “I’m waiting for someone to call and tell me you’re still here. I am devastated and confused. I cannot stop crying every time I’m reminded that you’re no longer here.”

GALLERY: See Chester Bennington’s Life in Photos

Though grieving, she shared some positive memories of Bennington: “Chester, you brought an energy to every room and somehow made every moment, no matter what it was, seem carefree. You brought this lightness with you. There was never a dull moment. You’d find a way to make everyone laugh.”

The lyrics of “Heavy” offered a glimpse into Bennington’s psyche. “I don’t like my mind right now/ Stacking up problems that are so unnecessary/ Wish that I could slow things down,” he sang. “If I just let go, I’d be set free.”

His bandmate, Mike Shinoda, says that Bennington was emotionally struggling while working on the track. “I remember Chester walked in and it was, ‘Hey, how are you doing today?’ and he’s like, ‘OH, I’m fine,’ and we were hanging out for a minute and he was like, ‘Y’know what? I have to be honest. I’m not fine. I’m not OK. Too much stuff is just happening to me. I just feel underwater,” he told Billboard. “It was like that saying, ‘When it rains it pours.’ It’s that kind of feeling that stuff is piling up one on top of the other, and it creates this feeling of just being overwhelmed, like, ‘Things feel so heavy to me…’”

If you or someone you know is considering suicide, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).

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