Are porgs scary? A Star Wars investigation

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“This is not going to go … the way that you think.”

That’s Luke Skywalker’s mysterious warning in a scene from The Last Jedi.

Maybe he’s talking about the porgs.

As Star Wars fans are now well aware, the porgs are a kind of alien hamster-penguin that inhabit an island on Ahch-To that’s the site of the first Jedi temple. One of them – nicknamed “the Chewie porg” – squeals in apparent delight as the Wookie pilots the Millennium Falcon through a crystal cavern.

They not only infest the island, they have taken over Star Wars merchandise. The hot toys this holiday season can be summed up as: porgs, porgs, porgs, porgs, porgs, porgs, porgs, porgs, porgs, porgs, porgs, porgs, porgs, porgs, porgs, porgs.

But are these cuddly creatures as benign as they appear? One star of The Last Jedi suggests caution. One porg is cute. But porgs, porgs, porgs, porgs, porgs, porgs may be perilous.

Star Wars/YouTube

“I just remember doing some stuff and seeing a lot of porgs around,” John Boyega tells EW. “And they are interesting, but for me, I had a love/hate relationship with them. They’re very, very cute, but when you put them in a bunch, in holes, on the Millennium Falcon, that’s when they start to become really, really freaky.”

As we’ve learned from the tribbles in Star Trek, something that starts out adorable can quickly become abominable when high volume is taken into account.

“They’ve got real big eyes, all bunched together,” Boyega says. “There were, like, little tiny ones and little big ones that would just…yeah, it looks like a rash.”

Are porgs an invasive species? They seem to have no problem hijacking the Falcon.

Are they dangerous? They don’t look appear so, but those little downturned Grumpy Cat mouths are full of sharp teeth.

Are they friendly? It’s difficult to say. Porgs look out for porgs. It’s doubtful their allegiance extends to anyone else.

Are they … delicious? We still haven’t gotten an explanation for why Chewie has a feather sticking out of his mouth in this behind-the-scenes shot.

Star Wars/YouTube

If the porgs are darker creatures than they seem, Chewbacca will no doubt unleash the Wookiee version of hell upon them.

But they are cute. No question.

So were Mogwai.

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