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BEST: Ricky Gervais starts the night strong
Gervais was in scorched-earth mode right from the start of his hosting gig. An extended riff on Charlie Sheen's recent travails led into a series of funny tangents about the airbrushed posters for Sex and the City 2 (''Girls, we know how old you are!'') and the bizarre Globe nominations for The Tourist and Burlesque. But Gervais took a step into Hollywood-blacklist territory with a zinger about I Love You Phillip Morris: ''Jim Carrey and Ewan McGregor, two heterosexual actors pretending to be gay. So, the complete opposite of some famous Scientologists, then!'' Oh Ricky, you'll never work in this town again, and we love you for it.
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WORST: Bale Gets Bleeped...and so does everybody else
The Globes were a veritable Bleepfest this year. First, the sound was cut on Christian Bale's closing salutation to Robert De Niro. (Bale later claimed that he had called De Niro ''the s---.'') We also got dead air for the first few seconds of surprise winner Paul Giamatti's speech. Come on, Hollywood, keep it PG-13!
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WORST: Katey Sagal gets played off
Immediately after Christian Bale's marathon acceptance speech, Katey Sagal strolled onstage to receive a Globe for Sons of Anarchy...and had barely even said ''Thank you'' before the exit music started playing. (TV people in general didn't get much love from the Globes' producers tonight — Steve Buscemi had just begin his acceptance speech when he noted plaintively of the teleprompter, ''It's saying 'Please wrap up' already!'')
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BEST: Chris Colfer's acceptance speech
It was an emotional moment when Glee's breakout star won the Best Supporting Actor award, and Colfer did not disappoint: His speech was funny and moving. Colfer closed with some kind words for all the Kurts of the world, to kids who are told ''that they can't be who they are, or have what they want, because of who they are. Well, screw that, kids!''
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BEST: Andrew Garfield can't say ''inspiringly''
The actor didn?t have any problems with Aaron Sorkin's tongue-twisting dialogue, but something about the phrase ''inspiringly written'' led him to stumble. Fortunately, Garfield played off his gaffe with adorable aplomb. Yay for New Spider-Man!
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WORST: Jane Fonda rambles through an introduction of Burlesque
''I'm here to introduce the movie because I'm friends with Cher! Except she's not here right now! Also, Burlesque is a movie!'' Okay, that's not exactly what Lady Fonda said, but her totally bizarre remarks made her speech a bit of a train wreck...kind of like Burlesque. Hey, maybe it was on purpose!
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BEST: Robert Downey Jr. steals the show
Presenting the award for Best Actress in a Comedy or Musical, RDJ launched into an epically naughty riff: ''I don't know if an actress can do her best work until I've slept with her,'' he said, before saying wildly inappropriate things about the lovely nominees. ''If I could, I'd give it to all five of you!'' he admitted. (Don't worry, kids, he's just talking about the award!) Only Downey could publicly make a pass at five different famous women at once and be cheered for it.
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BEST: Stars react to Ricky Gervais
After his kamikaze opening, Gervais's hosting duties were mainly confined to introducing some of the presenters, leading to some cutting jabs. (Best line by far: ''Please welcome Ashton Kutcher's dad, Bruce Willis!'') Besides Robert Downey Jr., none of the celebs seemed to know how to react: Willis looked miffed, Sandra Bullock just laughed awkwardly, and Tom Hanks recalled a time when Gervais was much nicer.
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BEST/WORST: Lea Michele cries beautiful tears
It was beyond moving when Lea Michele shed a tear for her co-star Chris Colfer during his acceptance speech. But then she cried again when Jane Lynch won, and was even tearing up when Glee won the Best Comedy Golden Globe. Yeesh, Chad Lowe much?
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WORST: Geoffrey Rush and Tilda Swinton present Best Actor in a Mini-series/TV Movie
Awwww, the Fringe Observer and the ghost of Conan O'Brien are friends!
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WORST: Al Pacino's speech lasts forever
We didn't think there was any way Pacino could give a more rambling acceptance speech than his never-ending soliloquy at the Emmys. But he outdid himself, thanking pretty much everyone involved in the making of You Don't Know Jack (and a few dozen other people, too). ''I hope I didn't leave anybody out,'' he said. Nope, Mr. Pacino, I think you got everyone.
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BEST: Steve Carell and Ricky Gervais continue their mock-rivalry
The mock-enmity between the two Office bosses has been one of the best running subplots at Hollywood award shows. When it came time to introduce Carell, Gervais chastised the actor for leaving The Office and ''killing a cash cow for both of us!'' Carell played up his superstar scorn and pushed Gervais onstage.
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BEST: Aaron Sorkin offers a classy salute to Mark Zuckerberg
Sorkin gave an unexpected shout-out to the founder of Facebook, noting that Zuckerberg ''turned out to be a great entrepreneur, a great visionary, and an incredible altruist.'' Awww, that's nice. Maybe that will lessen the sting of being portrayed as an obsessive, backstabbing misfit.
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WORST: Chris Hemsworth and Chris Evans prove human cloning is possible
Hey look, it's the Winklevoss twins! Oh, never mind, that's just Captain America and Thor looking scarily identical while presenting the TV Best Supporting Actress award. Chris & Chris won the coveted award for Worst Presentation Banter: ''These women are superheroes of acting!'' Argh, my brain hurts!
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BEST: Melissa Leo wins Best Actress in a Drama
Here is the first thing Leo said when she accepted her award: ''All that, and kissed by Jeremy Irons!'' Here is the last thing she said: ''Woohoo!'' In between, the Fighter star was an adorable ball of energy, noting that she felt a little bit young for her part and exclaiming, ''Look, Mama, I got a Golden Globe!''
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BEST: Matt Damon introduces Robert De Niro
Damon feigned ignorance about his Good Shepherd director's brilliant acting career: ''I mean, who could forget Taxi Driver where he was literally unrecognizable as a blonde 13-year-old hooker!''
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WORST: Robert De Niro out-Pacinos Pacino
Robert De Niro famously doesn't like giving interviews, so you would've thought his Cecil B. DeMille award acceptance speech would have been terse. Instead, De Niro came off like a wannabe Borscht Belt comedian, with jokes about immigration and Homeland Security: ''They're doing full body scans of Megan Fox!'' At least his rapport with presenter Matt Damon was something to cheer about.
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BEST: Paul Giamatti's enjoyably absurd acceptance speech
Giamatti, a surprise winner for Barney's Version, excitedly noted that he'd ''Never seen so many Godiva chocolates'' and praised ''The great nation of Canada.'' When he was at a loss for words, he looked at his lovely presenter and exclaimed, ''Halle Berry!'' In a night that was surprisingly low on interesting speeches, Giamatti's was a giddy (and perhaps just a little boozy) thrill.
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BEST: Natalie Portman praises her baby daddy's acting skills
Although Ricky Gervais was mostly absent for the second half of the show, his gloriously rude remarks seem to have set a randy tone for the evening. Just look at Portman's acceptance speech, when the actress reminded the audience that her fiancé, choreographer Benjamin Millepied, has a brief appearance in Black Swan as The Guy Who Wouldn't Want To Sleep With Natalie Portman. ''It's not true!'' she declared. ''He totally wants to sleep with me!''
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BEST: Michael Douglas receives a standing ovation
The evening hit an emotional high when the ''surprise presenter'' turned out to be the newly cancer-free Michael Douglas. Everyone got to their feet to welcome the actor. (Be honest: You cried a little, right?) Best of all, Douglas responded to the applause with the line of the night: ''There's gotta be an easier way to get a standing ovation.''
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BEST: Ricky Gervais completes his suicide run with a jab at religion
Just when you thought he was finished, Gervais delivered one final zinger: ''And thank you to God for making me an atheist!'' Yup, that should just about wrap up his goal of offending every single person in the world. Anyone want to place bets on whether Gervais will be back next year?