Hogwarts houses: Four EW writers defend the misconceptions
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Honorable Mention: Sneaky, Sneaky!
The Disney princess-inspired starlet maintained a relatively low profile during the show itself — even delivering a Best Supporting Actress speech free of controversy — but Jennifer Lawrence was in fine form on the red carpet, creeping in on pal Taylor Swift's interview with E!'s Ryan Seacrest like a boss. You're still our Internet bestie, J.Law
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Amy & Tina: Two for Two
Under intense pressure to repeat their 2013 hosting success, Amy Poehler and Tina Fey delivered another monologue master class that singed Hollywood at large (''We're hosting for the second time because this is Hollywood, and if something kind of works, they'll just keep doing it until everyone hates it'') and Hollywood standbys specifically (''[Gravity is] the story of how George Clooney would rather float away into space and die than spend one more minute with a woman his age''). And that was only the beginning. Their jokes unfailingly landed throughout the night, whether silly or sassy. Check the highlights out here and get more specifics on some of their best bits by clicking ahead.
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Did anyone expect to win this year? Kicked off by the night's second award — when Best Supporting TV Actress Jacqueline Bisset unleashed a pause-laden bout of incoherence and censor-stoking cursing, plus one beauty tip (''Forgiveness for yourself and for others'')! — the night was a shambles of sputters and overshares up at the podium. Jared Leto, were references to your ''Brazilian bubble butt'' and genital waxing really the best you could do? Please do tell us more about your family trip to Magic Castle, Cate Blanchett! We'll give partial credit to Andy Samberg, who was understandably unprepared but managed to channel his improv skills to give a mostly winsome stream-of-consciousness speech.
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Given the bizarre epidemic of bewildered winners, it's no surprise they peppered their speeches with four-letter words. Some S-bomb droppers were paradoxically charming (Elisabeth Moss, always Elisabeth Moss), others not so much (see again: Bisset). And one, namely Diane Keaton, was just bizarre considering her acceptance speech on behalf of Woody Allen for the director's Cecil B. DeMille Award actually was prepared (more on that to come).
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Breaking Bad Does Good
After four nods, and no wins, for Bryan Cranston and two (only two?!) also-unrequited nods for Best Television Series, Drama, the HFPA did right by the juggernaut series, giving it top TV honors and a trophy for the much-respected, immensely talented Cranston. Even though Aaron Paul didn't win during his first and only vie for Best Supporting Actor, it was still a night worthy of Jesse's now-infamous two words: ''Yeah, bitch!''
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Did We Miss the Pre-Game?
Everyone knows the Globes are all about A-listers getting sauced, but it seemed like no one even waited for the big event this year. How else can we explain all the bizarrely all-over-the-place speeches? And doesn't it stand to reason that a little too much Ciroc was responsible for P. Diddy's bizarre ''Let it flow! Let it flow! Let it flow!'' serenade to U2, whose ''Ordinary Love'' from Mandela: Long Walk to Freedom won the Best Original Song statuette? (Some say it was a riff on a strange exchange he'd had moments before with Best Score winner Alex Ebert, but it also sounded awkwardly similar to another Original Song contender, Frozen's ''Let It Go.'' Either way, it was pure Diddy.)
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How many times in Golden Globes history have the presenters been better than the speeches? And yet here we were. Jonah Hill had one of the standout segments — for the second year in a row, no less...and not even on purpose! — when he rolled with the punches during a teleprompter fail (just as he took a dig by the cohosts in stride: ''If you want to see Jonah Hill masturbating at a pool party, just go to one of Jonah Hill's pool parties''). Later, Jim Carrey delivered one of the best non-Amy-or-Tina one-liners of the night: '''Dying is easy, comedy is hard'? I believe it was Shia LaBeouf who said that.'' But it was award-show pro Robert Downey Jr. who predictably owned his moment in the spotlight while offering up a deliciously irreverent introduction to the Best Actress, Comedy, category: ''No matter whose name is called when I open this envelope, tonight I'm leaving here a winner. If Amy [Adams] takes it and I get a racy photo of us backstage, Gucci lets me keep the tux. If it's [Julia Louis-Dreyfus], I chat her up and ride her coattails straight into Tina [Fey]'s after party. Should it be Ms. [Julie] Delpy, it reaffirms the artistic integrity of sequels. If it goes Greta Gerwig's way, I shall finally stop associating her surname with a film about an Angry Inch. And, yet, if it's Meryl [Streep], I could supplement my income by leasing her a shipping container to put it in with the 200,000 other awards she's received. Let's see how this plays out for me....''
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Introducing...Mr. Golden Globe!
The annual presentation of Miss Golden Globe is a storied, if nepotistic, Globes tradition that has introduced the world to the likes of Melanie Griffith (as well as her daughter and upcoming Fifty Shades of Grey star Dakota Johnson), Anne Archer, and even Freddie Prinze Jr. This year, spouses (and Golden Globe winners) Kevin Bacon and Kyra Sedgwick proudly welcomed their daughter Sosie into the fold. Not to be outdone, Fey called to the stage 2014's Mr. Golden Globe: ''My adult son from a previous relationship, Randy.'' Of course Poehler played the part of the sulky, Louis Tomlinson-haired Randy, who groaned that ''Jacqueline Bisset's backstage bothering me!'' The pièce de résistance? When he questioned his paternity, landing at the Mandela: Long Walk to Freedom table with maybe daddies Idris Elba and a shockingly willing-to-play-along Harvey Weinstein.
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Before the Best?the Rest
To quote my colleague Denise Warner, ''Sometimes it makes sense when these people present the movies?. Sometimes it doesn't.'' The introductions for the 10 Best Picture nominees are always a mixed bag, and this year was no different. Laura Dern touchingly set up Nebraska, starring her dad Bruce and helmed by Alexander Payne (who directed her in 1996's Citizen Ruth). More whimsically, Liam Neeson summoned his most gravelly voice to plug Gravvvvvityyyyyyy. Making perhaps the least sense of all, when perkpot Reese Witherspoon claimed to identify with 12 Years a Slave since she'd ''[grown] up in New Orleans as a young girl.'' Wait, what?
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Emma Thompson: Tossin' Back Shoes and Booze
After a last-minute sprint into the show, Thompson handed in a delightfully daffy intro to the Best Screenplay award that included the Best Actress, Drama, nominee forgetting the envelope and flinging her Louboutins out of her right hand (she obviously wasn't about to throw aside the martini in her left). All that and she looked hot in vintage Lanvin. She's the J.Law of the over-50 set, is what I'm saying.
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Is There a Golden Globe for Best Sport?
Matt Damon may have been a relative ''garbage man'' according to Tina & Amy, but he might just get promoted for being game through a number of jokes. After Melissa McCarthy and Jimmy Fallon staged a bizarre set-up for the Best Actor, Mini-series or TV Movie, category (the joke was that the whole audience should pretend that a head injury-suffering McCarthy was Damon so she wouldn't be traumatized), Damon's Behind the Candelabra competitor/costar Michael Douglas won. Douglas began to thank Damon, and the Bostonian didn't miss a beat, playing along and pointing toward McCarthy so Douglas would direct his compliments to her-as-Damon. That's commitment!
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You Got This, Amy!
The cohostess with the mostest finally won TV's Best Comedy Actress on her third try (don't even get us started on all those thankless Emmy noms). AND she got to be massaged by and make out with Bono. The best just-desserts of all? After the commercial, her partner-in-crime Tina used the occasion to issue a playful jab at a certain humorless pop star they zinged last year, saying, ''There's a special place in Hell for people like you.'' And we want to go to there.
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In the Key of D(iane)
Is it too early to nominate Keaton's shtick for the Best Musical/Comedy of 2015? It was certainly more musical and funny than the majority of this year's actual nominees. Annie Hall herself la-di-da'd through a fittingly quirky tribute to the absent director, finishing on the note of their 45-year friendship with an unexpected performance of the Girl Scouts theme ''Make New Friends.'' Because it's always a good idea to honor Woody Allen by associating him with young girls. Just ask Ronan Farrow.
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Sexually Transmitted Infectious
The man who gets ''herpes'' into his acceptance speech and doesn't come off as a creep WINS. During his Best Director acceptance, Alfonso Cuarón told an anecdote about how his accent had led star Sandra Bullock to think he'd told her, ''Sandra, I'm going to give you herpes,'' when he was really saying, ''Sandra, I'm going to give you an ear piece.'' Seeming off-the-cuff but not entirely unthought-out, it was the right bit of levity for his late-in-the-night honor.
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Leo Laughs It Off
Leonardo DiCaprio is not exactly considered one of the most inherently hilarious or lighthearted fellows in Hollywood — a fact he acknowledged when he picked up the weirdly classified Best Actor, Musical or Comedy, Globe for The Wolf of Wall Street. But you have to give the guy credit for taking a particularly personal ding from Amy and Tina with a smile and a thumbs-up. You know the one: ''And now, like a supermodel's vagina, let's all give a warm welcome to Leonardo DiCaprio!''
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Long Live the McConnaissance!
From the first ''All right, all right, all riiiiiight!'' to the kicker (''This film was never about dyin', it was always about livin', and with that I say, 'Just keep...'''), McConaughey's Best Actor, Drama, speech was surprisingly masterful, perfectly tracking his path as an actor from his breakout turn in Richard Linklater's Dazed and Confused to this Globe-winning performance in Dallas Buyers Club.
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Every Day I'm Hustle-in'
That stereotypical Musical/Comedy American Hustle took home top honors in its ill-fitting category. Sure, the film had plenty of well-used music and several laugh-out-loud moments, but (like many of its category contemporaries) was it really a capital-M Musical or capital-C Comedy? Definitely not. Was it a spectacular film, and was the award completely merited? Heck yes.
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12 Years a Slave Wins Best Drama
After months of front-runner awards buzz, 12 Years a Slave looked like it might be shut out of this year's Globes completely. But when the Antebellum drama won, it won big, taking the biggest prize of the night. While the film's serious tenor didn't exactly lend itself to the Globes' typically glitzy, jokey vibe, the final verdict fit its elegance and power.
Hogwarts houses: Four EW writers defend the misconceptions