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Cheers to Amy and Tina!
Overly high expectations? No such thing! Amy Poehler and Tina Fey killed it with their monologue and didn't stop until Argo's literal 11th-hour win.
Enjoy a sampling of their best lines here, then click over for Keith Staskiewicz's extended chronicle of their seemingly endless stream of laughs:
Amy: ''That's what makes tonight so special — only at the Golden Globes do the beautiful people of film rub shoulders with the rat-faced people of television.''
Tina: ''Ricky Gervais could not be here tonight because, uh, he is no longer technically in show business.''
Amy: ''Kathryn Bigelow's nominated tonight. I haven't really been following the controversy over Zero Dark Thirty, but when it comes to torture, I trust the lady who spent three years married to James Cameron.''
Tina: ''Anne Hathaway, you gave a stunning performance in Les Misérables. I have not seen someone so totally alone and abandoned like that since you were on stage with James Franco at the Oscars.
Tina: ''Quentin Tarantino is here — the star of all my sexual nightmares...''
Amy: ''Meryl Streep is not here. She has the flu, and I hear she's amazing in it.''
Tina: ''Congratulations, Lena. I'm glad we got you through middle school.''
Tina: ''You know what, Taylor Swift. You stay away from Michael J. Fox's son.''
Could these ladies start a new Globes hosting dynasty? As they say, I dreamed a dream...
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Poehler and Fey were 360-degree hosts, taking their shtick out into the audience. During the announcement of the Best Actress, Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for Television, Poehler slipped into false teeth and a red wig as the sixth ''nominee,'' Darcy St. Fudge, who played ''a psychic who solves her own murder in Dog President'' In the male equivalent category, Fey donned Johnny Depp Lite drag as Fudge's co-star Damian Francisco, who played ''a professional volleyball player battling restless-leg syndrome.'' The absurd additions were a brilliant way to break up categories that, let's face it, generally serve as wine/bathroom breaks in the three-hour ceremony.
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A Mandatory Speech With Zing
The biggest surprise of the night? Outgoing HFPA President Dr. Aida Takla O'Reilly proved she's got real spunk while bidding adieu to her two-year tenure with such one-liners as, ''I know that Jeffrey Katzenberg will never forget my name...because he never knew it in the first place.'' Then without a beat, she added, ''And, in closing, allow me to say three little words to Bradley Cooper: 'Call me maybe?'''
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Damian Lewis: Mum's the Word
Homeland's winner for Best Actor in a Television Series, Drama, has proven over the course of many awards shows that he is both talented and charming. In addition to a gleaming statuette, he scored the night's most emotional moment when he delivered a touching speech to his late mum, saying, ''Just before I go, I want to dedicate this to my mum, who I know is up there tonight, looking down on me, bursting with pride, and telling everyone up there all around her how well her son is doing — in acting.''
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Adele Inches Closer to EGOT
Not bad for 10 minutes' work, eh? The yummy mummy was positively agog — only slightly less shocked than grump-face Taylor Swift, who didn't win for her Hunger Games track ''Safe and Sound'' — as she told the HFPA, ''Thank you so much for letting me be a part of your world for a night. It's amazing. We've been p---ing ourselves laughing.'' See you in late February, Ms. Adkins.
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Costner Looks Back, Looks Forward
Hatfields & McCoys producer and star Kevin Costner offered an unexpected moment of nostalgia with his acceptance speech for Best Actor in a Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for Television. He recalled being a virtual nobody during his first Globes experience and seeing Gregory Peck honored for his body of work. Costner used the anecdote as a launching point to thank his fellow artists for their contributions to film (and to his own career) and to remind his colleagues that, at the Golden Globes, ''We get a chance to illuminate movies that people might not have ever seen, and now they will...performances that people might not have ever seen, and now they will.'' Reminiscent of Costner's tribute at Whitney Houston's memorial last year, the veteran actor's simple but touching speech provided a nice moment of reflection amid the glitz and glamour.
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POTUS 42 Receives a Standing O
His task may have been simple, but former U.S. President Bill Clinton (or, as Poehler called him, ''Hillary Clinton's husband!'') received a standing ovation before he introduced Best Picture, Drama, nominee Lincoln. His appearance added a touch of gravitas to the proceedings — never a bad thing.
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Most Improv-ed Presenters
Nepotism isn't always a bad thing. The co-hostesses smartly called on ex-SNL buddies Kristen Wiig and Will Ferrell for one of the funniest non-Poehler/Fey bits of the night. Feigning ignorance about the nominees in the Best Actress in a Motion Picture, Comedy or Musical, category, this Garth and Kat redux slayed the audience at the Beverly Hilton (''And Judi Dench...where did she come from?!''). If Amy and Tina opt out of hosting next year, we know who should get the next call.
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''I beat Meryl!''
Jennifer Lawrence's reputation for being off-the-cuff and outspoken paid off in spades tonight as she couldn't resist taking the stage to collect her statuette for Best Actress in a Motion Picture, Comedy or Musical, and chirping, ''Oh, what does it say? I beat Meryl!'' (Ed. note: The quote was a line from The First Wives Club.) But she didn't stop there, adding, ''Harvey [Weinstein], thank you for killing whoever you had to kill to get me up here today.'' For those remarks, J.Law, we'll forgive you for whatever was going on in the bust area of your Girl-on-Fire-inspired Dior dress.
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Interstitials That Actually Amused
Some were unplanned, like Salma Hayek and Paul Rudd's teleprompter snafu. Others were textbook. In 2013's riff on the requisite odd couple pairing (think Seth Rogen and Kate Beckinsale last year), Megan Fox and Jonah Hill did their darndest to sell a bit in which Fox was Hill's spurned one-night-stand. It's almost as unbelievable as a world in which the 21 Jump Street-er would party on a yacht with Leonardo DiCaprio. Oh wait...
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A ''Dream'' Come True
Anne Hathaway is basically the anti-Jennifer Lawrence, so if you're prone to eye-rolling at utter earnestness, move on to the next slide. That said, even the hardest of hearts had to admire her smart acceptance speech. She called her Best Supporting Actress award ''This lovely, blunt object that I will forevermore use as a weapon against self-doubt.'' Better yet, Hathaway paid tribute to fellow nominee Sally Field for ''being a vanguard against typecasting. As the girl who started out as the princess of Genovia, I can't tell you how encouraging it was that The Flying Nun grew up to be Norma Rae and grew up to be Mama Gump and grew up to be Mary Todd Lincoln.'' EW's own Oscar expert Anthony Breznican deemed the shout-out''very good Oscar strategy. Frontrunners stay frontrunners by staying humble.'' It was a glorious bit of dues-paying (and we'll only dock a few points for her stage storming during Les Mis' Best Picture, Comedy or Musical, win to thank her agent).
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Snarks and Recreation
Another out-of-nowhere bit, Best TV Actress, Comedy or Musical, presenter Jason Bateman played the straight man as Aziz Ansari challenged the stiffness of nominated Brits' upper lips by joking about the ''tasty [marijuana-laced] cookies — or biscuits, as you call them'' brought to the ceremony by Michelle Dockery and her Downton Abbey castmates. Leaving no joke behind, he mixed up eventual winner ''Lisa'' Dunham's name and announced, ''Daniel Day-Lewis, you are my hero as an actor. I just saw Expendables 2, and you were fantastic.'' Add to that, Fey and Poehler invited Jennifer Lopez and George Clooney, respectively, to anxiously hold their hands while their names were called. It's safe to say this was a category in which we were all the winners.
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Jodie Foster: ''Tonight, I feel like the Prom Queen''
Looking flawless at 50, the Lifetime Achievement Award recipient touched on many issues (gay rights, privacy, spanking Daniel Craig's bum) during an expansive thank-you to her Hollywood family. Teasing to make a grand coming-out speech, she demurred, ''No. I came about a thousand years ago back in the Stone Age. ... Now apparently I'm told that every celebrity is expected to honor the details of their private life with a press conference, a fragrance, and a prime time reality show. You guys might be surprised, but I am not Honey Boo Boo child. I'm sorry, that's just not me. It never was, and it never will be.'' She assured the audience (in the Beverly Hilton and at home), ''I have given everything up there from the time that I was three years old. That's reality show enough.'' Concluding with a poignant, teary dedication to her mother, Foster proved a class act through and through.
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Obscure Reference of the Night
As a coda to her flurried acceptance speech for Best Television Series, Comedy or Musical, Girls' creator Lena Dunham (who also won Best Actress) thanked Chad Lowe. Is she a down-low fan of Pretty Little Liars and Life Goes On? Nope! Lena kitchen-sinked that last gratis, according to EW's greenroom source Laura Hertzfeld, ''Because Hilary Swank forgot [to during the 1999 Oscars]. And because I'm an a--hole!''
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Ben Affleck Gets His Due
After Thursday's snub heard 'round the world, Ben Affleck received a standing ovation while picking up yet another Best Director prize this week for Argo. He was gracious toward his fellow directors and toward Tony Mendez, the man he played in Argo. It was almost perfect (the almost being when he sent wife Jennifer Garner to hijack her presentation of the Best Movie Actor, Comedy or Musical, category to extend his thank-you speech). By the end of the night — with Argo's Best Motion Picture, Drama, win — any notion that Affleck isn't beloved in Hollywood was gone, baby, gone.