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'Glee': 30 Quippy Sue Sylvester Gems
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'Glee': 30 Quippy Sue Sylvester Gems

As McKinley High's ego-tripping Cheerios coach, Jane Lynch gets to deliver some of TV's best one-liners -- recall her best so far as we anticipate what's ahead in season 2!

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EW Staff
December 02, 2009 AT 09:00 PM EST
<p>  <strong>Bryan (Neil Patrick Harris, pictured):</strong> You ever heard of the term &#8216;anger sex&#8217;?<br /> <strong>Sue:</strong> The only kind I know.  </p>
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Bryan (Neil Patrick Harris, pictured): You ever heard of the term ‘anger sex’?
Sue: The only kind I know.

<p>  &#8221;I&#8217;m gonna make it a habit to not stop and talk to students because this has been a colossal waste of my time.&#8221;  </p>
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2

”I’m gonna make it a habit to not stop and talk to students because this has been a colossal waste of my time.”

<p>&#8221;So you like show tunes. It doesn&#8217;t mean you&#8217;re gay. It just means you&#8217;re awful.&#8221;  </p>
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3

”So you like show tunes. It doesn’t mean you’re gay. It just means you’re awful.”

<p>&#8221;I might buy a small diaper for your chin, because it looks like a baby&#8217;s ass.&#8221;</p>
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4

”I might buy a small diaper for your chin, because it looks like a baby’s ass.”

<p>  &#8221;What&#8217;s that smell? It&#8217;s coffee. It&#8217;s usually masked by the smell of fear.&#8221;  </p>
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5

”What’s that smell? It’s coffee. It’s usually masked by the smell of fear.”

<p>&#8221;I will no longer be carrying around photo ID. Know why? People should know who I am.&#8221;</p>
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6

”I will no longer be carrying around photo ID. Know why? People should know who I am.”

<p>&#8221;How do you two not have a show on Bravo?&#8221;</p>
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7

”How do you two not have a show on Bravo?”

<p>  &#8221;You don&#8217;t deserve the power of Madonna&#8230;. Simply put, you have all the sexuality of all those pandas down at the zoo who refuse to mate.&#8221;</p>
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8

”You don’t deserve the power of Madonna…. Simply put, you have all the sexuality of all those pandas down at the zoo who refuse to mate.”

<p>&#8221;I thought I smelled cookies wafting from the ovens of the little elves that live in your hair.&#8221;</p>
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9

”I thought I smelled cookies wafting from the ovens of the little elves that live in your hair.”

<p>&#8221;You think this is hard? I&#8217;m passing a gallstone as we speak. That is hard!&#8221;</p>
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10

”You think this is hard? I’m passing a gallstone as we speak. That is hard!”

<p>&#8221;I&#8217;m going to ask you to smell your armpits. That&#8217;s the smell of failure, and it&#8217;s stinking up my office.&#8221;</p>
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11

”I’m going to ask you to smell your armpits. That’s the smell of failure, and it’s stinking up my office.”

<p>&#8221;That was the most offensive thing I&#8217;ve seen in 20 years of teaching — and that includes an elementary school production of <em>Hair</em>.&#8221;</p>
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12

”That was the most offensive thing I’ve seen in 20 years of teaching — and that includes an elementary school production of Hair.”

<p><strong>Sue:</strong> &#8221;Iron tablet? It keeps your strength up when you menstruate.&#8221;<br /> <strong>Will:</strong> &#8221;I don&#8217;t menstruate.&#8221;<br /> <strong>Sue:</strong> &#8221;Neither do I.&#8221;</p>
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13

Sue: ”Iron tablet? It keeps your strength up when you menstruate.”
Will: ”I don’t menstruate.”
Sue: ”Neither do I.”

<p>&#8221;I&#8217;m about to projectile express myself all over your Hush Puppies.&#8221;</p>
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14

”I’m about to projectile express myself all over your Hush Puppies.”

<p>&#8221;You think this was hard? Try auditioning for <em>Baywatch</em> and being told they&#8217;re going in another direction. That was hard.&#8221;</p>
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15

”You think this was hard? Try auditioning for Baywatch and being told they’re going in another direction. That was hard.”

<p>&#8221;I&#8217;m all about empowerment. I empower my Cheerios to live in a state of constant fear by creating an environment of irrational, random terror.&#8221;</p>
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16

”I’m all about empowerment. I empower my Cheerios to live in a state of constant fear by creating an environment of irrational, random terror.”

<p>&#8221;You&#8217;re dealing with children. They need to be terrified. It&#8217;s like mother&#8217;s milk to them.&#8221;</p>
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17

”You’re dealing with children. They need to be terrified. It’s like mother’s milk to them.”

<p><strong>Will:</strong> &#8221;I will destroy you.&#8221;<br /> <strong>Sue:</strong> &#8221;I am about to vomit down your back.&#8221; — Sue and Will, whispering into each other&#8217;s ear while forced to hug by Principal Figgins</p>
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18

Will: ”I will destroy you.”
Sue: ”I am about to vomit down your back.” — Sue and Will, whispering into each other’s ear while forced to hug by Principal Figgins

<p>&#8221;I always thought the desire to procreate showed deep personal weakness.&#8221;</p>
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19

”I always thought the desire to procreate showed deep personal weakness.”

<p>&#8221;I don&#8217;t trust a man with curly hair. I can&#8217;t help picturing small birds laying sulfurous eggs in there, and I find it disgusting.&#8221;</p>
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20

”I don’t trust a man with curly hair. I can’t help picturing small birds laying sulfurous eggs in there, and I find it disgusting.”

<p>&#8221;I can&#8217;t stand the sight of kids getting emotional, unless it&#8217;s from physical exhaustion.&#8221;</p>
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21

”I can’t stand the sight of kids getting emotional, unless it’s from physical exhaustion.”

<p>&#8221;I am going to create an environment so toxic no one will want to be part of that club. Like the time I sold my house to a nice young couple and salted the earth in the backyard so that nothing could grow there for 100 years. Know why I did that? Because they tried to get me to pay their closing costs.&#8221;</p>
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22

”I am going to create an environment so toxic no one will want to be part of that club. Like the time I sold my house to a nice young couple and salted the earth in the backyard so that nothing could grow there for 100 years. Know why I did that? Because they tried to get me to pay their closing costs.”

<p>&#8221;I like minorities so much, I&#8217;m thinking of moving to California to become one.&#8221;</p>
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23

”I like minorities so much, I’m thinking of moving to California to become one.”

<p>&#8221;Look at me. Even in the heat of battle, I&#8217;m so elegant, regal. I am Ajax, mighty Greek warrior.&#8221;</p>
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24

”Look at me. Even in the heat of battle, I’m so elegant, regal. I am Ajax, mighty Greek warrior.”

<p>&#8221;I, for one, think intimacy has no place in a marriage. Walked in on my parents once, and it was like seeing two walruses wrestling.&#8221;</p>
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25

”I, for one, think intimacy has no place in a marriage. Walked in on my parents once, and it was like seeing two walruses wrestling.”

<p>&#8221;You sunk my battleship, Rod. And you sunk it hard.&#8221;</p>
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26

”You sunk my battleship, Rod. And you sunk it hard.”

<p>&#8221;&#8230;I will go to the animal shelter and get you a kitty cat. I will let you fall in love with that kitty cat. And then on some dark, cold night, I will steal away into your house&#8230;and punch you in the face.&#8221;</p>
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27

”…I will go to the animal shelter and get you a kitty cat. I will let you fall in love with that kitty cat. And then on some dark, cold night, I will steal away into your house…and punch you in the face.”

<p>&#8221;Me, I never wanted kids — don&#8217;t have the time, don&#8217;t have the uterus.&#8221;</p>
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28

”Me, I never wanted kids — don’t have the time, don’t have the uterus.”

<p>&#8221;[Wheelchair ramps] are what I call lazy-makers. They discourage able-bodied students from getting proper exercise by using the stairs.&#8221;</p>
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29

”[Wheelchair ramps] are what I call lazy-makers. They discourage able-bodied students from getting proper exercise by using the stairs.”

<p>&#8221;If I have a pregnant girl doing a handspring into a double layout, the judges aren&#8217;t going to be admiring her impeccable form, they&#8217;re going to be wondering if the centrifugal force is going to make the baby&#8217;s head start crowning.&#8221;</p>
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30

”If I have a pregnant girl doing a handspring into a double layout, the judges aren’t going to be admiring her impeccable form, they’re going to be wondering if the centrifugal force is going to make the baby’s head start crowning.”

1 of 31

Advertisement
1 of 30

1

Bryan (Neil Patrick Harris, pictured): You ever heard of the term ‘anger sex’?
Sue: The only kind I know.

Advertisement
2 of 30

2

”I’m gonna make it a habit to not stop and talk to students because this has been a colossal waste of my time.”

3 of 30

3

”So you like show tunes. It doesn’t mean you’re gay. It just means you’re awful.”

Advertisement
4 of 30

4

”I might buy a small diaper for your chin, because it looks like a baby’s ass.”

Advertisement
5 of 30

5

”What’s that smell? It’s coffee. It’s usually masked by the smell of fear.”

Advertisement
6 of 30

6

”I will no longer be carrying around photo ID. Know why? People should know who I am.”

Advertisement
7 of 30

7

”How do you two not have a show on Bravo?”

Advertisement
8 of 30

8

”You don’t deserve the power of Madonna…. Simply put, you have all the sexuality of all those pandas down at the zoo who refuse to mate.”

Advertisement
9 of 30

9

”I thought I smelled cookies wafting from the ovens of the little elves that live in your hair.”

Advertisement
10 of 30

10

”You think this is hard? I’m passing a gallstone as we speak. That is hard!”

Advertisement
11 of 30

11

”I’m going to ask you to smell your armpits. That’s the smell of failure, and it’s stinking up my office.”

Advertisement
12 of 30

12

”That was the most offensive thing I’ve seen in 20 years of teaching — and that includes an elementary school production of Hair.”

Advertisement
13 of 30

13

Sue: ”Iron tablet? It keeps your strength up when you menstruate.”
Will: ”I don’t menstruate.”
Sue: ”Neither do I.”

Advertisement
14 of 30

14

”I’m about to projectile express myself all over your Hush Puppies.”

Advertisement
15 of 30

15

”You think this was hard? Try auditioning for Baywatch and being told they’re going in another direction. That was hard.”

Advertisement
16 of 30

16

”I’m all about empowerment. I empower my Cheerios to live in a state of constant fear by creating an environment of irrational, random terror.”

Advertisement
17 of 30

17

”You’re dealing with children. They need to be terrified. It’s like mother’s milk to them.”

Advertisement
18 of 30

18

Will: ”I will destroy you.”
Sue: ”I am about to vomit down your back.” — Sue and Will, whispering into each other’s ear while forced to hug by Principal Figgins

Advertisement
19 of 30

19

”I always thought the desire to procreate showed deep personal weakness.”

Advertisement
20 of 30

20

”I don’t trust a man with curly hair. I can’t help picturing small birds laying sulfurous eggs in there, and I find it disgusting.”

Advertisement
21 of 30

21

”I can’t stand the sight of kids getting emotional, unless it’s from physical exhaustion.”

Advertisement
22 of 30

22

”I am going to create an environment so toxic no one will want to be part of that club. Like the time I sold my house to a nice young couple and salted the earth in the backyard so that nothing could grow there for 100 years. Know why I did that? Because they tried to get me to pay their closing costs.”

Advertisement
23 of 30

23

”I like minorities so much, I’m thinking of moving to California to become one.”

Advertisement
24 of 30

24

”Look at me. Even in the heat of battle, I’m so elegant, regal. I am Ajax, mighty Greek warrior.”

Advertisement
25 of 30

25

”I, for one, think intimacy has no place in a marriage. Walked in on my parents once, and it was like seeing two walruses wrestling.”

Advertisement
26 of 30

26

”You sunk my battleship, Rod. And you sunk it hard.”

Advertisement
27 of 30

27

”…I will go to the animal shelter and get you a kitty cat. I will let you fall in love with that kitty cat. And then on some dark, cold night, I will steal away into your house…and punch you in the face.”

Advertisement
28 of 30

28

”Me, I never wanted kids — don’t have the time, don’t have the uterus.”

Advertisement
29 of 30

29

”[Wheelchair ramps] are what I call lazy-makers. They discourage able-bodied students from getting proper exercise by using the stairs.”

Advertisement
30 of 30

30

”If I have a pregnant girl doing a handspring into a double layout, the judges aren’t going to be admiring her impeccable form, they’re going to be wondering if the centrifugal force is going to make the baby’s head start crowning.”

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