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Season 2, episode 2: ''Ladies of the Evening''
The girls get swept up in a prostitution bust. Yes, really.
Rose: Downtown? He means jail!
Dorothy: Oh really Rose, I thought he meant Neiman Marcus.
Rose: I've never been in jail. I won't make it. They always prey on the weak and innocent. The others will taunt me for trying to excel at my work in the laundry. I'll fall in with a bad crowd, whose leader looks like Ethel Merman. And I'll be forced to engineer a daring prison break using my laundry cart. From that time on, I won't know a moment's peace. I'll scar my fingerprints with battery acid and I'll run from town to town, taking jobs that people have who got bad grades in school. And then one day, they'll find me, holed up in a little shack in the Louisiana bayou. And a sheriff named Bull will call my name out over a megaphone and when I make a run for it he'll riddle my body with bullets! Oh please don't let them take me downtown! I want to live! I want to live!
Dorothy: You're not very good in a crisis are you Rose?
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Season 2, episode 6: ''Family Affair"
Rose and Dorothy work on a jingle for a contest
Dorothy: Yeah, but the lyrics don't make any sense! I mean, it goes, ''Miami is nice/So I'll say it twice.''
Rose: Ooooh, I see your point. Well, what about this: ''Miami is nice/So I'll say it thrice!''
Dorothy: ''Thrice''?! Who the hell says ''thrice''?!
Rose: It's a word!
Dorothy: So is ''interuterine.'' It does not belong in a song.
Rose: Miami, you're cuter than, an interuterine...
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Season 2, episode 26: ''Empty Nests''
The girls help their neighbors in this back-door pilot for Empty Nest.
Rose: I used to loooove washing dishes! In Minnesota, the whole family'd get together and wash dishes. Even Uncle Gustav, after the giant Swiss Army Knife accident, learned to dry dishes with his feet. We used to laugh and carry on and have such a happy time.
Sophia: What is it with you people? All you ever had were happy times?! It's sickening! Happy times freezing in the cold! Happy times during the locust invasion, happy times eating reindeer! How about death! Did you have happy times then?
Rose: Yes, actually, we did. It was a chance to get together and remember other happy times!
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Season 3, episode 2: ''One for the Money''
Everyone reminisces, cuing various flashbacks. Then Blanche, Dorothy, and Rose all show up at the same dance tournament — which they each thought they were keeping secret from the others.
Rose: Hi, girls!
Dorothy: Et tu, Judas?
Rose: No, it's me, Rose! I'm just wearing my hair a little differently.
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Season 3, episode 9: ''A Visit from Little Sven''
Rose's cousin Sven visits, and accidentally falls for Blanche
Rose: I got caught up at work and I barely had time to pick up this cake. I wanted to make Sven feel welcome.
Blanche: Rose! That cake is from the Get It While It's Hot Erotic Bake Shop!
Dorothy: looks at the cake Whoa-ho!
Blanche: Why, Rose Nylund, why, that cake is in the shape of —
Dorothy: Blanche, we know what it is.
Rose: I thought it was in the shape of Florida!
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Season 3, episode 11: ''Three on a Couch''
The girls' bickering reaches new heights, and they seek the help of a therapist
Rose: [on Blanche] I think she's a gerchominochen.
Doctor: Well, what exactly does that mean?
Rose: Literally, it's the precise moment when dog doo turns white. But in general, it refers to the kind of person you don't want to share your hoodencoggles with.
Dorothy: Rose, if you say one more of those stupid words, so help me —
Rose: Oh, blow it out your Tubenburbles!
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Season 3, episode 13: ''The Artist
Dorothy, Blanche, and Rose discover that they've each posed nude for the same artist
Rose: Sophia, what are you doing with that heavy coat on inside the house?
Sophia: [flashes Rose] You tell me, Rose!
Rose: Dorothy, was Sophia naked just now, or does her dress really need ironing?
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Season 3, episode 15: ''Dorothy's New Friend''
Dorothy's new friend Barbara rubs the rest of the crowd the wrong way
Barbara: No, I'm just a writer. Malamud's an author.
Rose: I thought Malamuds were chocolate cookies with marshmallows.
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Season 3, episode 23: ''Mixed Blessing''
Dorothy's son surprises her with news of his engagement to a middle-aged black woman
Rose: The same thing happened to the Bigbotters back in St. Olaf. You see, Gretchen had this thing for Buddy, but Mr. Bigbotter didn't approve — he did his best to keep them apart. But, one day he came home, early, and found Gretchen and Buddy in... how will I say it... a most indelicate situation.
Dorothy: What did he do?
Rose: Well he yelled at them to stop, but they wouldn't so he turned the hose on them!
Blanche: He turned the hose on them?!
Rose: Well they were in the front yard!
Dorothy: Wait, wait, wait a minute, Rose. Buddy and Gretchen weren't people, were they?
Rose: Of course not; they were dogs! Gretchen was a Dalmation and Buddy was a Schnauzer. And Mr. Bigbotter wasn't too happy when he ended up with a litter of Schnalmations!
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Season 4, episode 4: ''Yokel Hero''
Rose is nominated for St. Olaf's Woman of the Year award
Rose: You know, it doesn't matter whether I win, just being nominated is enough...
Blanche: That's a good attitude, Rose.
Rose: It's also a crock of bull, I want that sucker bad!
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Season 4, episode 6: ''Sophia's Wedding''
Sophia reconnects with an old friend, and Rose forms an Elvis fanclub
Blanche: Do you know what I hate doing most after a party?
Rose: Trying to find your underwear in the big pile?
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Season 4, episode 9: ''Scared Straight''
Blanche's brother visits, and Rose helps convince him to come out to Blanche
Blanche: Rose, honey, there's something I have to say to you. It's just two little words, but they are the hardest two little words in all the whole world for me to say.
Rose: ''Not tonight''?
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Season 4, episode 15: ''Valentine's Day''
The girls find themselves dateless on Valentine's Day
Dorothy: Blanche, Steve called and canceled your date, didn't he?
Rose: How did you know that, Dorothy?
Dorothy: I'm clairvoyant, Rose.
Rose: You're so lucky. I get into a pool and I sink like a stone.
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Season 5, episode 9: ''All That Jazz''
Dorothy's son returns, and Rose copes with work-related stress
Rose: The hardest part for me was explaining to my Kirstin the difference between boys and girls. I knew the time had come but I kept putting it off. Finally I decided it was time to take the bull by the horns.
Blanche: So you told her?
Rose: No! I took the bull by the horns, turned him around, and showed her what makes a bull a bull.
Blanche: You are kidding, Rose?
Rose: No! That's how my mother taught me.
Blanche: Honey, didn't that give you a false impression about... what a man would look like?
Rose: It sure did! Can you imagine my surprise on my wedding night with Charlie? Boy, that bull would have been jealous!
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Season 5, episode 23: ''All Bets Are Off''
Rose starts painting
Rose: I think it's impossible to paint autumn in St. Olaf.
Dorothy: How come?
Rose: Maybe it's because of the horrible St. Olaf Falling Leif story.
Dorothy: Please, Rose, if this a story about a man named Leif, I don't want to hear it.
Rose: It's not that long.
Rose: It has a surprise ending.
Dorothy: All right Rose, just the ending, but keep it short!
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Season 6, episode 10: ''Girls Just Wanna Have Fun...Before They Die''
Everyone takes advice from Blanche. Bad idea.
Rose: I just got a special delivery letter from St. Olaf! Uh-oh, it's from the Department of Water and Coffee.
Rose: No thanks, it makes me jumpy.
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Season 6, episode 18: ''Melodrama''
Rose tries being a TV reporter
Dorothy: Rose, leave the glasses in the refrigerator, close the door and keep your head out here with us.
Rose: Well, how will I know if they fog up?
Dorothy: The little man who lives in there who turns the light on and off, he'll tell you.
Rose: I'm not in the mood for jokes, especially about the little man. You know he scares me.
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Season 7, episode 11: ''From Here to the Pharmacy''
Rose helps Sophia write her will
Rose: Sophia, wills are no joking matter! Charlie tried to be funny with his and left everything to Henrietta, our prize cow. Well, some lawyer got a hold of the will and represented Henrietta on contingency! There I was, presenting my side to a jury of her peers! It took over six months to get the farm back!
Sophia: What a terrible story. I mean it — it's a terrible story! But you must have been relieved when you won.
Rose: Oh yeah, we celebrated. With a big, thick steak.