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'The Bachelorette' Season 12
Before we meet the men who will battle it out for JoJo's heart, let's get to know them by making snap-judgments of their portraits and bios, ahead.
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Why are there so many medical sales representatives on these shows? What percentage of the population has that career? Sorry, Chase, but it sounds a little boring. And as nice as your neck muscles are, the fact that if you could be anyone for a day, you'd be your dad so that you could "get a better understanding of the decisions he made," points to baggage. (Also, why doesn't your smile reach your eyes?!)
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Two things: Runner Runner is one of his favorite movies. RUNNER RUNNER. And also, when asked who he most admires in the world, he answered: "Myself in 10 years, alright, alright, alright." Hard pass.
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If that facial hair isn't his downfall, he's an erectile dysfunction expert who thinks "booty" is a style of dance and says chipped nail polish is a deal-breaker.
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He's a singer-songwriter with the name James Taylor, so I would say we should cut him some slack, but why doesn't he shave his neck?
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His favorite holiday is the Fourth of July "because 'Merica." So that should sum things up.
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He gets points for listing The Departed as a favorite movie, but what will it take to make him shave?
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He considers "competence" an attribute and would love to have lunch with Mark Cuban. In other news, his face is always confused.
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His occupation is Bachelor Superfan. RUN, JOJO!
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His occupation is "hipster" and yet he doesn't have any tattoos or major facial hair and he's not wearing a hat. All signs point to identity confusion, and we all know that if someone doesn't truly know who they are, they can't love someone else...
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He's scared of snakes, dislikes the Kardashians, and loves Jaws. Could he be normal??
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He's a twin, so let's go ahead and expect some sort of twist there? And let's hope he only wears shirts that match his eyes so perfectly that it freaks everyone out.
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He's a bartender who looks like a cross between a vampire and Sandy Cohen? So, not the worst.
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He's a male model who said he doesn't have tattoos for the "same reason you don't put stickers on a lambo." 1. Don't say lambo. 2. SLOW YOUR ROLL.
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The wildest thing he's ever done in the bedroom? "Try to hang a TV on the wall without directions or a stud finder." Yeah, we like this one.
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Yet another guy who's obsessed with Mark Cuban. Maybe he should be the next Bachelor??
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He's a barber whose name is Vinny and whose favorite movie is A Bronx Tale, so he's 100 percent a stereotype.
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He describes himself as "handsome" and "genuine." Any questions?
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We don't trust any man who says "childlike wonder" and is scared of "fluffy kittens."
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He likes J.D. Salinger and realizes that his hair is working for him. We can respect that.
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If the jacket didn't tip you off, he's a radio DJ, and everything you think that means? Yeah, it applies to him.
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Ducks Unlimited is his favorite magazine. Sorry, did you want to know more?