1 of 13
Michelle's Wild Kingdom muumuu (episode 1)
Kristen: In related news, Frederick's of Hollywood reported a break-in at its fabric scraps plant.
Annie: Is that a belt? Made of SHELLS? Oh, God, I think it's a built-in. Either way, it's totally groping her from behind.
2 of 13
Chantal's satin sausage casing (episode 8)
Kristen: I'm guessing this dress fit her better the day she arrived.
Annie: Sorry, I can't breathe. Next?
3 of 13
Raichel's supersized-sequined mini (episode 1)
Kristen: If your dress makes a crunching sound when you hug the Bachelor, you might want to pluck off a sequin or 300.
Annie: ''I've got a BLUEBERRY for a DATE!''
4 of 13
Keltie's purple Flashdance homage, with bonus headband (episode 1)
Kristen: She might have made it past the second episode if she had worn something inspired by Alex's tuxedo get-up instead.
Annie: Back to the Pittsburgh steel mill with you! It's time to weld a broken heart.
5 of 13
Britt's abstract blue origami/landscape painting (episode 4)
Kristen: Yeah, if I had to wear that dress I'd keep my eyes closed too.
Annie: Her hair is longer than this thing. Also, R.I.P. right ankle strap.
6 of 13
Shawntel's studded mock-turtleneck mini (episode 8)
Kristen: I think this dress auditioned for Rock of Love Bus but was turned down for being too classy.
Annie: Needs more skulls, daggers, bedazzled bottles of embalming fluid, and a macrame rose.
7 of 13
Ashley 2, Jackie, and Emily shoulder some frilly burdens (various episodes)
Kristen: ''Ladies,'' please stop trying to make this look happen.
Annie: So not fetch.
8 of 13
Renee's bejeweled electric-blue situation (episode 1)
Kristen: ''You guys! I am SO losing my virginity at prom this year!''
Annie: From Jessica McClintock's The Shining Collection.
9 of 13
Chantal's feathery finale gown (episode 11)
Kristen: Is she expecting a proposal or a Moldavian massacre?
Annie: She's as thrilled about the feathers as we are. Look away, look away!
10 of 13
Britt's sherbet-colored sundress* (episode 7)
Kristen: Did she make that out of the curtains from my childhood bedroom?
Annie: You had curtains made of cake?!? Jealous.
*Technically worn on a date but too ugly not to include
11 of 13
Shawntel's nightie (episode 7)
Kristen: I didn't know Victoria's Secret Pink made cocktail attire.
Annie: I'm just pissed that she didn't complete the look.
12 of 13
Michelle's hot-air-balloon romper (episode 4)
Kristen: I think this outfit is OK... if she lives in a bottle.
Annie: For my first wish, I'd like someone else to give you a mysterious black eye.
13 of 13
Alli's bowjob (episode 3)