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The Robertsons, Duck Dynasty
Taking a cue from ZZ Top (more on them later), these redneck millionaires have cornered the market on duck calls and post-millennial, unironic chin frizz. They win the reality-TV beard-off. (Suck it, Whisker Wars.)
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Dumbledore and Hagrid, Harry Potter series
Though they often seemed like softies, the men of Hogwarts proved there was plenty of fight under the face fluff — Hagrid in his brute strength (not to mention a fondness for lethal animals), Dumbledore with his 100-plus years of wizarding experience and undying quest to vanquish Voldemort.
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Seneca Crane, The Hunger Games
If only Panem's Gamemaker had been as committed to taking out tributes as he had been to manscaping.
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Fact: Chuck Norris holds the Guinness World Record for the most beard-related killings.
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Teddy bear or grizzly bear? The Roots frontman can work both looks thanks to his overgrown fuzz.
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Zangief, Street Fighter
If Russian wrestler's freakishly large fists or signature Spinning Piledriver don't finish you off, the Red Cyclone will cut you — cut you with his ridiculously sharp beard. Trust us, you'd prefer the Piledriver.
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Moses, The Ten Commandments
Heathens will have to pry the sacred tablets out of his cold, dead hands — that is, if you can get past his flowing chin tendrils first.
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Every girl's crazy about a sharp-tressed man.
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Captain Jack Sparrow and Davey Jones, Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest
While Jack's beaded bi-beard has a certain dirty charm à la Brad Pitt circa 2009, Davey Jones' displays a clever incorporation of native fauna. Octo-beard for the win!
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An Inconvenient Beard: The kind of facial hair a man grows when he suffers the greatest defeat of his life, goes deep into the woods for some soul-searching, and ultimately decides to go win that Oscar already.
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The super-producer used to put the ''Beast'' in Beastie Boys, now he sends a constant stream of hits to the Billboard charts while working with everyone from Adele and Josh Groban to Kanye West and Metallica. If he shaves his beard, will the hits stop? Best not to risk it.
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Gandalf and Saruman, The Lord of the Rings trilogy and The Hobbit
When the fate of Middle-earth is at stake, and all of it depends on a hobbit, no one's making a grooming pit stop. Ain't no wizards got time for that!
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Pai Mei, Kill Bill: Volume 1 and 2
His name means ''White Eyebrow,'' but the party doesn't stop above his eyes. The kung fu practitioner is killing it with his white whisker waterfall and his Five Point Palm Exploding Heart Technique.
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Even though Paul took a little longer than the others to bring the brush, the Fab Four's defiant move away from their clean-cut image signaled a major sea change in rock music.
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Walter White, Breaking Bad
From mustache to goatee to full-on ginger beard, from timid teacher to murderous kingpin to man on the lam — Walt's tossing-off of his principles ran a parallel course to his abandonment of his clippers.
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Clubber Lang, Rocky III
He's no fool. The prizefighter knew his facial hair strategy had to be as intimidating as his presence in the ring. And, let's be honest, anyone sporting those in-yo'-face chin puffs (that many clashing hair choices in general, really) has to be at least a little crazy, right?
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Half-man, half-machine, all grizzled beard. The South African mercenary's bristle was as unstoppable as his bloodlust.
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''More Human Than Human''? That's the only explanation for how the White Zombie rocker and gore auteur has cultivated facial hair as terrifying as his slasher flicks.
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Let's see...hairless wonder Xerxes and his 300,000 men battle against King Leonidas, with his 300 Spartans and that burly beard? Was anyone really surprised who won?
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Frank Serpico, Serpico
The deeper the narc got in uncovering corruption among his colleagues, the more voluminous his facial foliage. Why was his beard so big? It was full of secrets, clearly.
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Khal Drogo, Game of Thrones
A beast in the street and sweet in the sheets, the Dothraki warlord knows when to let his hair down.
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SEAL Team 6, Zero Dark Thirty
With 40 pounds of gear on their bodies and 60 pounds of hair on their heads, the men who took down Osama Bin Laden were able to stand the heat — and bring it.
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Wolverine, X-Men franchise
Though the mutant generally prefers mutton chops (they balance out his winged coiffure). When he grows a full beard, you know the claws are coming out.
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Santa Claus, Rise of the Guardians
Ho ho hold on a minute! The jacked-up, tat-emblazoned Kris Kringle is not your parents' Santa. Even his snow-white face drapery looks edgier.
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Razors clearly weren't in the amenities kit at the Morrison Hotel.
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Man With No Name, The Good, the Bad and the Ugly
He may have been il Buono (''The Good'') in Sergio Leone's Spaghetti Western masterpiece, but ''Blondie'' the bounty hunter's close-shorn bristles speak to a cutthroat spirit underlying his appearance of civility.
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Alcide Herveaux, True Blood
Can you wolf whistle at a wolf pack master? It's hard to resist the Shreveport surveyor's salt-and-pepper scruff.
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Lisa Simpson, The Simpsons
A beard of bees is the most badass beard of all. Victory is yours, Lisa Simpson.