1 of 28
Sharon Osbourne, Revenge
"Just before Amber slapped her sister, she closed her eyes, knowing she was going to enjoy it far more than she should."
2 of 28
Carrie Fisher, Postcards from the Edge
"Maybe I shouldn’t have given the guy who pumped my stomach my phone number, but who cares?"
3 of 28
Steve Martin, Shopgirl
"When you work at the glove department at Neiman’s, you are selling things that nobody buys any more."
4 of 28
Kourtney, Kim, and Khloe Kardashian, Dollhouse
"Kamille's arms, legs, and bikini still stung from the honey-scented wax. But it was a good kind of pain, and beauty was painful, right?"
5 of 28
Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi, A Shore Thing
"Life was hard. But a pouf? That should be easy."
6 of 28
Gene Hackman, Wake of the Perdido Star
"The O’Reilly family sat huddled in hard-backed chairs around a dying fire after their sparse meal of boiled potatoes and turnips which they had scarcely touched."
7 of 28
Bethenny Frankel, Skinnydipping
"Who do I have to sleep with to get a drink on this plane?"
8 of 28
Craig Ferguson, Between the Bridge and the River
"Cloven-hoofed creatures passed this way."
9 of 28
Hugh Laurie, The Gun Seller
"And God Almighty, what a forehead. Bricks, knives, bottles, and reasoned arguments had, in their time, bounced harmlessly off this massive frontal plane, leaving only the feeblest indentations between its deep, widely spaced pores."
10 of 28
Ethan Hawke, The Hottest State
"She told me I’d better be careful because I was a bullsh---er and that there was no sadder creature on the planet than a handsome bullsh---er, because everything came easy for them and they never did a damn thing with any of it."
11 of 28
Nicole Richie, The Truth About Diamonds
"Chloe Parker was practically born in a club. It’s like she spontaneously generated one night in 1981 during a 14-minute remix."
12 of 28
Lauren Conrad, LA Candy
"Jane Roberts leaned against her dresser, studying the way her white silk nightie looked against her sun-kissed skin."
13 of 28
William Shatner, Tek Secret
"It was a rainy night in the late spring of 2121. As he flew his car southward, he said again, 'I’ve got to find her.'"
14 of 28
David Duchovny, Holy Cow
"Most people think cows can’t think. Hello, let me rephrase that, most people think cows can’t think, and have no feelings. Hello again. I’m a cow, my name is Elsie…."
15 of 28
Tyra Banks, Modelland
"Tookie De La Creme was splayed on her back on the hallway floor of her school."
16 of 28
Joan Rivers, Murder at the Academy Awards
"Oscar night. Hollywood. The blaze of klieg lights. The smell of perfume, jasmine, and fear in the air…."
17 of 28
Blair Underwood, In the Night of the Heat
"My agent had just said the impossible—words any actor would kill to hear. But before I could be sure my ears weren’t fooling me, I saw the gun."
18 of 28
Courtney Thorne-Smith, Outside-In
"Do you think the apocalypse is imminent? Because then I could certainly have a cookie."
19 of 28
Tim Burton, The Melancholy Death of Oyster Boy & Other Stories
"Mr. & Mrs. Smith had a wonderful life./They were a normal, happy, husband and wife./One day they got news that made Mr. Smith glad./Mrs Smith would be a mom/Which would make him the dad./But something was wrong with their bundle of joy./It wasn’t human at all,/It was a robot boy."
20 of 28
Naomi Campbell, Swan
"Sprawled in front of a spin dryer, wearing nothing but a pair of white cotton briefs and sneakers, her cropped hair thrown back as she chugalugged a can of Diet Coke, her pierced nose with the chain stretcged across her face and running down her lip, Celestia came across on the page as as an unmistakably classy piece of ass."
21 of 28
Pamela Anderson, Star
"Her breasts came on suddenly and tenaciously, as if trying to make up for lost time. The hard bump turned out to be one of a pair of unruly and self-willed nipples."
22 of 28
Johnny Cash, Man in White
"He slipped on a sandal and pressed the rat down on the floor with his foot. The monster shrieked and clawed, trying to free itself. He looked down on its head with hatred, deciding just how to kill it."
23 of 28
Gene Wilder, Something to Remember You By
"At 3 a.m. they awoke in their foxhole after the ground shook from the explosions that had started up again."
24 of 28
Kendall and Kylie Jenner, Rebels: The City of Indra
"I’m breaking the rules, and I absolutely refuse to care."
25 of 28
Chuck Norris, A Threat to Justice
"The six heavily armed horsemen rode slowly into the town of Clinton, Missouri, their eyes scanning the periphery, searching for any sign of trouble, looking as though they were ready for a fight."
26 of 28
Penn Jillette, Sock
"Bad monkey wammerjammer. Sewn in a crossfire hurricane of needles and pins."
27 of 28
Bella Thorne, Autumn Falls
"I checked out the freeze-frame of me. Clumps of sweet-potato goo stuck to my face and clotted my long orange hair. Add in my vegetable-peeler-bloodied fingers and I looked like a farmland horror show."
28 of 28
Hilary Duff, True: An Elixir Novel
"I lean in close to Sage and whisper, 'That’s because you never died. You drank the elixir of life, remember?'"