Jimmy Kimmel turned the story of the first Thanksgiving into a safe space on Monday’s episode of Jimmy Kimmel Live, by having a group of children perform in a politically correct Thanksgiving pageant.
“This is not 1621, this 2016, and some of the story is out of date. So we thought it might be a good idea to update the story of Thanksgiving to reflect our modern sensitivities,” Kimmel said before the sketch.
After applause from the crowd, the young narrator chastised viewers for their enthusiasm. “Please don’t applaud, it’s insensitive to people with no arms. The place: Plymouth, Massachusetts. The year: 1621, if you choose to believe in the culturally oppressive Greco-Roman calendar,” she said.
From there, the children reenacted the first Thanksgiving, with care to not offend anyone — which lasted until a turkey was brought out to the horror of the pilgrims. “We don’t eat turkey. It’s not morally justifiable.”
Fortunately, a Thanksgiving miracle happened in the form of a Tofurkey — which allowed both the pilgrims and Native Americans to realize that sometimes there are actually worse things than eating turkeys.