Entertainment Weekly

Subscribe

Stay Connected

Subscribe

Advertise With Us

Learn More

Skip to content

Article

Emmys 2016: Jimmy Kimmel's best jokes

Posted on

ABC

After some initial transportation problems (in an opening bit), host Jimmy Kimmel finally made it to the 68th Emmy Awards to open the show before they had to recruit Tom Bergeron to fill in. In his opening monologue, Kimmel took shots at everything from FX’s The People v. O.J. Simpson: American Crime Story to Celebrity Apprentice executive producer Mark Burnett. While he still has two and a half hours to go, we’ve started putting together a list of his best zingers from the night:

To every nominee that’s not Game of Thrones or The People v. O.J. Simpson: “The rest of you: If your show doesn’t have a dragon or a white bronco in it, go home.”

Kimmel introducing Emmy nominee Sarah Paulson’s date Marcia Clark: “Everyone in LA knows that if you want to win, sit next to Marcia Clark.” 

To Marcia Clark: “This must be very weird for you. Are you rooting for O.J. to win this time?” Kimmel, to Marcia Clark. 

Kimmel on diversity at the Emmys: “Here in Hollywood, the only thing we value more than diversity is congratulating ourselves on how much we value diversity.”

Kimmel on Republican president nominee Donald Trump: “Television can also tear us apart. If it wasn’t for television, would Donald Trump be running for president? No, he would be home right now quietly rubbing up against his wife [Melania] while she pretended to sleep.” 

To Mark Burnett, who Kimmel blames for making us live through Trump running for president: “Who do you have lined up to fill the spot on the Supreme Court? Miley Cyrus or Cee-Lo.” 

Kimmel responds to Transparent creator Jimmy Soloway’s “topple the patriarchy” Emmy acceptance speech: “I’m trying to figure out if ‘topple the patriarchy’ is good for me or not.” 

Kimmel asking every celebrity with a gluten allergy to raise his or her hand: “I just want America to see which of their favorite celebrities are the most annoying.”

Kimmel on Grease: Live beating Beyoncé’s Lemonade: “I wouldn’t want to be those guys when Kanye [West] finds out they beat Beyoncé.”

To Maggie Smith, who wasn’t there to accept her latest Emmy award win: “We’re not mailing this to her. Maggie, if you want this, it’ll be in the lost and found.”