Donald Trump may have finally defeated all his Republican rivals, but he hasn’t run out of nicknames for political opponents. In the last few days alone, he’s been talking about “Goofy Elizabeth Warren” and “Crazy Bernie.” To get to the bottom of this, Stephen Colbert invited a special guest to Wednesday’s episode of The Late Show: Timmy Jenkins, Trump’s “chief nickname strategist.” Jenkins explained that a lot more research went into these nicknames than meets the eye.
“Well Stephen, we have had top focus-group testing. We don’t pull this out of your hats,” Jenkins said. “You know, our first choice wasn’t ‘Little Marco.’ First we started with ‘Sweaty Marco,’ and then we went to ‘Diarrubio.’ Then we tried ‘Marco Boobio.’ And off the charts for a little bit, we called him ‘Marco Pubio.'”
Jenkins explained that they still had leftover nicknames for the now-withdrawn GOP candidates: “Bland Balls” for Rand Paul, “Jeb Tush,” “Ted Poos,” “Snot Walker,” and “Ass Kisstie.” When Colbert asked if these “juvenile tactics” were good for American politics, Jenkins turned on the host.
“That’s an interesting question, Stephen Col-butt,” Jenkins said. “I can smell you from over here, the host of The Lame Show with Steaming Colfart.”
Jenkins then turned to a time-honored playground tactic, grabbing Colbert’s hand and telling him, “Stop hitting yourself.” Eventually, Colbert broke away and whined, “I hate politics,” as Jenkins raised his arms triumphantly.
“Make America great again, buttfaces!” he shouted. Watch the video below.