There was the smallest hint of sadness in Samantha Bee’s voice on Monday’s episode of Full Frontal as she discussed the end of Ted Cruz’s presidential campaign. After all, Bee had always reserved her most colorful epithets for Cruz, including “Princeton’s unwanted fetus,” “the world’s only unlikable Canadian,” “the junior senator from the Uncanny Valley,” “revival-tent golem,” and “self-described human.” According to Bee, they hadn’t even made it to page three of her Cruz Thesaurus.
Last week also brought the withdrawal of John Kasich from the presidential race. Aside from calling him “America’s oldest brunch hipster” and poking fun at his “cross-country Food Network reality show,” Bee didn’t have a lot to say about Kasich. But to send the two (mostly Cruz) off in proper fashion, Bee recruited singer Michelle Branch for a musical goodbye.
“Goodbye, Ted Cruz / you covered everything with your ooze. You were the one we loathed, the campaign no one tried to hold onto,” Branch sang in a new version of her song “Goodbye to You,” as footage of Cruz played on the screen behind her. “Goodbye, Ted Cruz / Goodbye you creepy soup-hoarding ghoul / You’re Heidi’s problem now / The campaign no one tried to hold onto.”
“Also, Kasich’s gone,” Branch added at the very end. Watch the clip below.