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Mindy Kaling's Ted Cruz biopic: Steve Carell?

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Carell: Mitchell Haaseth/NBC; Cruz: Andrew Harnik/AP

So, here’s what happened.

Last night, Mindy Kaling, creator-star-Mindy of The Mindy Project, tweeted: “I want Steve Carell to play Ted Cruz in a biopic and I want to write it.”

One hour later, Steve Carell, Kaling’s Office co-star and wig enthusiast, tweeted: “Count me in.”

Today, Megan Ellison, billionaire film producer, tweeted: “ummm…I know nobody asked me but can I get in on this genius idea?”

Because Hollywood moves fast now, EW is excited to share an exclusive first look at scenes from Kaling’s* Ted Cruz biopic. Working title: Cruz Control. Just kidding, it’s Cruz Origins: America Rising. No no, it’s A Good Day to Cruz Hard.

SCENE ONE: GOP DEBATE, 2016

SEN. TED CRUZ, 45, handsome, vibrant, stands onstage bathed in golden light from the heavens where God lives.

Also onstage: DONALD TRUMP, ancient, fetid.

DONALD TRUMP: And I tell you, we need a real man in the White House! Ted’s no President! He’s not even an American!

The crowd audibly gasps. MEGYN KELLY, journalist, turns to Ted Cruz.

MEGYN KELLY: Senator Cruz, how do you respond to the allegations that you are not a true American?

TED CRUZ: A true American…a true American…

SCENE TWO: A MOUNTAIN RANGE OVERLOOKING AMERICA, 1974

RAFAEL CRUZ, also played by Steve Carell, leads 4-YEAR-OLD TED CRUZ, played by Jacob Tremblay, to the edge of a mountain vista.

RAFAEL CRUZ: Gaze upon this country, my son. This country is America. Someday, it will belong to you.

FOUR-YEAR-OLD TED CRUZ: Father, I thought we were Canadian.

RAFAEL CRUZ: America isn’t something you are. America is something you be.

FOUR-YEAR-OLD TED CRUZ: I understand.

RAFAEL CRUZ: Also, abolish the IRS.

SCENE THREE: PRINCETON DORM ROOM, YEAR 1990

TED CRUZnow 19, wears a Members Only jacket. He sits on a futon next to CRAIG MAZIN, roommate and future nemesis.

TED CRUZ: I think I’ve got a chance with Tiffani, Kimberly, Courtney, or Tiffany.

CRAIG MAZIN: I don’t care. Hey, me and everyone who isn’t you is going to Atlantic City for the weekend. If anyone calls, tell them I’m at the Trump Taj Mahal, a new casino that famous billionaire Donald Trump just opened.

The camera ZOOMS onto Ted Cruz’ face. He starts sweating.

TED CRUZ: Trump…Trump…Trump.

SCENE FOUR: SUPREME COURT, YEAR 2000

TED CRUZ stands outside of the Supreme Court building with JOHN ROBERTS, attractive legal adviser, played by B.J. Novak.

TED CRUZ: I think we might actually win this court case! George W. Bush is going to be President of the United States!

JOHN ROBERTS: How crazy that I, John Roberts, actually worked for the Bush family to help out on the Supreme Court Case that will make George W. Bush President!

TED CRUZ: Perhaps someday a president will nominate you to the Supreme Court.

JOHN ROBERTS: That is what presidents do. They nominate Supreme Court Justices.

TED CRUZ: Well…some presidents.

Ted Cruz laughs. John Roberts stares blankly at him.

SCENE FIVE: IOWA, 2016

Ted Cruz celebrates his victory in the Iowa caucuses.

TED CRUZ: I won!

Dr. Ben Carson, played by Cuba Gooding Jr., enters the room.

BEN CARSON: Bro, did you tell voters I was suspending my campaign?

TED CRUZ: [flop-sweating] No. Yes. I dunno. Look, we can all agree, none of us like Trump, right?

BEN CARSON: Yeah, but nobody likes you, either.

TED CRUZ: I like me.

BEN CARSON: Really?

TED CRUZ: No. Yes. I dunno.

MEGYN KELLY: Senator Cruz? Senator Cruz?

SCENE SIX: GOP DEBATE, 2016

The whole movie has been a long flashback. Ted Cruz snaps out of it.

MEGYN KELLY: Senator Cruz? I say again: What makes you a True American?

TED CRUZ: I learned how to be an American…from my father.

DONALD TRUMP: Ah ha, but that’s the irony, Teddy! You see…I am your father!

They fight with lightsabers.

*Mindy Kaling did not write this.