Devan Coggan
February 14, 2016 at 06:03 PM EST

Want to be Leslie Jones’ valentine this year? Stay away from the avocados.

Jones stopped by the Saturday Night Live Weekend Update desk to talk about her Valentine’s Day plans and proclaim that even though she’s single, she knows her perfect man is out there somewhere. And she has a laundry list of all the qualities he must have.

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After dimming the lights and recruiting a piano player named Manuel to provide some mood music, Jones described her ideal romantic partner. In addition to being patient, kind, loyal, and funny, any potential suitor must be a good kisser — no slobbering — and know how to cook a steak. And he must never, under any circumstances, send her any flowers.

“Flowers is death,” Jones declared. “You know how a body decomposes and starts to stink? That’s what you’re sending me when you’re sending me flowers.”

Watch Jones’ bit below, and read EW’s full recap of the episode here

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