OWN
Shirley Li
January 28, 2016 AT 09:03 PM EST

Former child star Jeremy Miller, known for playing Ben Seaver on Growing Pains, opened up about his struggle with alcoholism in a candid interview on OWN’s Oprah: Where Are They Now? docuseries. 

The actor recalls that he began drinking at 4 years old, because his grandparents “threw a lot of parties and [he] would run around after the parties and finish all the beers,” and by the time he was 12, he began drinking regularly in earnest. “There was always something there,” Miller explains. “I never had that off switch.” Eventually, Miller reveals, his need to drink, combined with his self-hatred over drinking, led to him hitting rock bottom. “It’s a very good thing I never owned a gun,” he says, “because I don’t know what would have happened, and that’s scary.”

RELATED: See Child Stars All Grown Up

Watch the exclusive clip from Miller’s appearance above. Oprah: Where Are They Now? airs Saturdays at 10 p.m. ET on OWN.

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