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Jerry Seinfeld does stand-up set for Stephen Colbert

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CBS

The comedy economy has changed a lot since the glory days of Seinfeld. Now, comedians can gain fame through a variety of platforms, from a well-written Twitter account to a unique web series. Back in the ’80s and ’90s, however, stand-up fame was best achieved by whoever had the sharpest five minutes of jokes. To celebrate the kickoff of his year-long residency at New York’s Beacon Theater (one show a month for 12 months), Jerry Seinfeld came on The Late Show to demonstrate his current “tight five.”

A riff on larger seats at the theater led to Seinfeld pondering modern American obesity and, perhaps inevitably, the metaphysical questions posed by donut holes, which he’d prefer to rename “plugs.”

“You can’t sell people holes. A hole does not exist! Words have meanings,” Seinfeld said. “You can take the plug and shove it in the hole, which I don’t even feel comfortable saying for some reason. That would eliminate the hole, the donut, and the plug, but you still have a fat ass and people shooting you with a camera as you walk down the street.”

Seinfeld’s tight set followed through on contemplation of modern food, expressing amazement at the whole concept of hotel buffets. 

“There’ something about it that breaks down the mind, reason, judgment, portion sizes, combinations,” Seinfeld said. “Nobody would go into a restaurant and say to the waiter I want a yogurt parfait, spare ribs, a waffle, four cookies, and an egg white omelet.” 

Watch the full set below.