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Nicholas Brendon opens up about suicide attempt on Dr. Phil

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This article originally appeared on PEOPLE.COM. 

Nicholas Brendon is opening up about a suicide attempt spurred by his substance abuse. 

Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Criminal Minds star tried to kill himself Sept. 22, he revealed Tuesday on The Dr. Phil Show

“I cut my wrists with a steak knife,” he told Dr. Phil McGaw, crying. 

“Did you want to die that day?” McGraw asked. 

“I think I wanted to be heard. I think I wanted to be helped, you know?” he said. “Because I think there’s a lot of good life to live.” 

The actor said he mixed alcohol and sleeping pills he had been prescribed for 10 years (but is no longer taking) to deal with his crippling anxiety and depression. 

Brendon was arrested four times in 2015, most recently in October after analleged domestic altercation with his girlfriend in Saratoga Springs, New York. He entered rehab in June for depression and substance abuse after being arrested in South Carolina in May and in Florida in February and March for trashing hotel rooms and public intoxication. 

Brendon told McGraw that he blacked out during most of these incidents. 

As for the domestic violence arrest, Brendon admitted he was “inebriated” at the time but insisted he did not choke his girlfriend. 

“I just felt at that time that my girlfriend shouldn’t drive, so I tried to take her keys away,” he explained. “I held her down to get the keys.” 

Brendon also delved into his childhood trauma of being molested by a music teacher, who went to jail in 1981, when he was about 10 years old. 

After the teacher was caught, Brendon said he felt “numb, and then the betrayal kind of came to fruition after it all came out, and then anger.” 

“I think about it every day of my life and I wonder how it affected me … did I stop growing emotionally?” he added. “When you’re molested for a couple years and you’re blamed for it by the people who are supposed to be your protectors, there’s going to be a lot of confusion and a lot of sadness.” 

At the end of the interview, Brendon checked into a dual diagnosis treatment center, HeadWaters at Origins. 

“Maybe I’m just done,” he said. “Maybe I’m ready to be happy now.”

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