The beloved John Hughes Christmas classic that is Home Alone turns 25 Monday. The film that launched Macaulay Culkin to child stardom gave the world action, comedy, drama, and even some horror, as an 8-year-old boy is forced to defend his home from bandits while his family struggles to find a way back to him from Paris.
The movie is timeless, and still makes its way to theaters for fans to watch Kevin McCallister set off his ingenious burglar traps around the holidays. But a lot has changed in the past 25 years, so naturally, we wondered what a 2015 version of Home Alone would look like.
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Kevin would binge on Breaking Bad or Narcos
Kevin watches a VHS of an old gangster movie titled Angels With Filthy Souls once he gets the house to himself, and later uses the dialogue from a scene to scare away the pizza guy and the burglars. Nowadays, Kevin would have the entire Netflix library at his disposal, and his hunger for gangster drama would instead be fulfilled by binging on drug-themed shows like Breaking Bad or Narcos. That way, when the burglars come to the door, he can let them know that he “is the one who knocks.”
The McCallisters would travel to a place with no cell reception
In Home Alone, the McCallisters vacation in Paris, and are then unable to reach Kevin on the payphone because their phone lines were ruined in a storm. To make this plausible in the age of smartphones, the family would have to travel somewhere remote enough to not have cell service in order to be unable to reach their stranded son.
The Wet Bandits would monitor their targets online
Burglars Harry and Marv discover which houses are empty by having Harry dress up as a policeman and ask about home security. They then monitor the homes of families who said they are leaving town in a van. Sounds like a lot of work! In 2015, they could just check the Twitter or Facebook posts of family members to see when they leave town.
…and Kevin could trick them with Instagram
Kevin goes through a lot of work dressing up and moving around mannequins by the windows so the Wet Bandits believe the entire family is home. It’d be so much easier if he could just Photoshop them into an Instagram post, with the caption: “Fun night at home with the family! #blessed”
The McCallisters oversleep because nobody charged their phones
These days, not many people rely on an alarm clock, which was the McCallisters’ downfall when it failed to wake them up after a power outage. The only believable way they wouldn’t have woken up on time for their flight is if nobody remembered to charge their cell phones and the devices died overnight.
Kevin would use a drone in his traps
Toy trucks and BB guns were cute for 1990, but even 8-year-old boys have gone high-tech in 2015. If not Kevin, one of his multiple siblings would have a drone that he could use to deter the Wet Bandits.
Kate would hitch a ride with a team of Crossfit trainers
Kate is able to find a ride back home with a polka band, and is forced to listen to them practice in their van during the whole ride. What could be worse? Maybe listening to a group of Crossfitters complain about how many burpees were in their WOD.
Kevin just pays for his pizza online
To be sure absolutely nobody knows that he’s home alone, Kevin uses some carefully selected audio from the gangster film to make it sound like an older man ordered pizza for him. Now he can just order and pay for dinner online, and even watch the order’s progress from his computer!
John Williams is out, Katy Perry is in
Sorry, John. Your classical film score was a hit, and is still beloved, but today’s movie makers love to pump soundtracks (especially Christmas soundtracks) full of recognizable pop stars. Home Alone came out before Mariah Carey released her huge song “All I Want For Christmas Is You” and every pop star realized that they could garner even more fame by recording a successful, original Christmas song. With Katy Perry teasing a Christmas album this season, she’d be the perfect voice to play over the end credits.