The third annual Halloween installment of Brooklyn Nine-Nine — or, as Jake termed it, Halloween Heist 3: The Heistening — delivered treat after treat heaped upon a trick.
On the treat front, the episode opened on a tightly plotted gag that preyed on the fact that the harder that Charles tries to outsmart his coworkers, the harder they will prank him. The eager-beaver detective was determined not to be duped this year, so he didn’t dress up for Halloween. But when he walked off the elevator and saw everyone costumed up (Terry as Popeye! Rosa as Little Bo Peep!), he raced back to his car, changed into his “emergency” (!) Elvis costume, and returned to the precinct, only to find no one dressed up anymore. Adding insult to insult, the squad offered wildly inaccurate guesses about his outfit, much to his increasing exasperation. Charles — always charging, never in charge.
The story-stuffed “Halloween III” unspooled the now-annual tale of Jake and Holt obsessively engaged in a contest to see who could steal a crown from the interrogation room. Each had proven victorious in a previous Halloween challenge; this would serve as the tie-breaker. They picked their partners in crime like in gym class, cruelly leaving Amy — star pupil of Holt, new girlfriend of Jake — on the sidelines. (Scully and Hitchcock were unchosen as well, but those slackers deserve that fate.) While the wounded Amy played sadsack victim, everyone else had a moment to shine (see: Charles trying to set up an unwilling Gina, Rosa in secret agent woman mode). But our dear detective ultimately would pull the rug out from underneath everyone’s feet and prove that she is Heistenberg: She dressed up as the janitor, swiped the prize from the trash, and duped her inconsiderate significant other and boss into huffing up 31 stories of stairs, an exercise (in futility) that caused Jake to vomit multiple times, just for good measure.
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Brooklyn‘s third Halloween episode can be crowned a success, so as midnight nears, let’s shut our hot lips, grab the soda pop, learn our whos from whoms, yell into each other’s bosom, and revisit the best lines of the episode.
NEXT: “I have spectacular taste in men!” [pagebreak]
9. “I have spectacular taste in men! You would love Nadia.” —Charles to Gina after his setup judgment was questioned
8. “Why does the word who even exist if you’re not allowed to say it?” —Jake to Amy after Holt and then she corrected his usage of who to whom
7. “You must realize my answer’s no.” —Terry after Holt asked him, “Sergeant, are you familiar with the Hungarian fencing term ‘Hosszü Gorcs’?”
6. “Pathetic! She can’t be manipulated, sir. [turning to Amy] Amy, we are in love. I know we’ve never said it before, but I think this is the perfect time, don’t you?” —Jake to Holt (and Amy) after he tried to curry favor with her by calling her the wisest detective in the precinct
5. “I’m not going to meet my next boyfriend through a Charles setup. I’m going to meet him in an illegal dance competition in an abandoned subway tunnel… Alternately he can win an illegal street race in which my love is the prize.” —Gina to Charles
4. “Come on. Our parents are married; Genevieve and I are dating; I want you to have someone, too. You shouldn’t have to slow dance alone after family dinner.” —Charles to Gina after she passed hard with zero consideration on his offer to set her up
3. “Because the cleavage cloaks the camera with its curves.” —Holt to Amy, after she asks why he and Jake believed that they were being spied on through her breasts
2. “If I die, turn my tweets into a book.” —Gina to Charles as she freaked out about the roaches on the floor
1. “That’s why people throw away garbage.” —Jake, having an epiphany after he was told that an old muffin he left out was bugged. (That makes two weeks in a row with a winning Jake joke involving a realization that begins with “That’s.”)