Ryan Beauchesne had us at “celebrity dachshund.” Crusoe has been entertaining his fans on his blog (run by Beauchesne) for years, and now he is entering the world of literary pursuits. Crusoe, the Celebrity Dachshund: Adventures of the Wiener Dog Extraordinaire is a tell-all for the pooch’s adoring fans with advice for everything from baking to life, love and the pursuit of happiness.
Read an exclusive excerpt from Crusoe’s first book, which goes on sale October 27, below.
BATDOG and Robin: The Goofy Brother Rises
It wasn’t long after I became who the world now knows as BATDOG, that I realized I needed some help. I’m too busy to do this BATDOG thing all by myself. My phone is always ringing off the hook from chicks who are “supposedly” (extra emphasis) in need of saving, and as much as I’d like to, I just can’t get to all of them!
I guess you could say BATDOG needed a wingman, so to speak. And thus, I asked my brother Oakley if he’d be interested.
As I might have expected, he jumped at the opportunity to be Robin!
And so the forever duo was formed, sworn to protect the world from dubious cats and criminals (generally one and the same), and to save damsels in distress.
Always waiting, watching, and ready for an opportunity to leap into action!
We’re not your typical superheroes, though – BATDOG is motivated by fame and glory, and Robin by brotherly admiration and shiny things.
So every now and then Oakley and I get together for our routine patrols of the city. You know, to watch the city for any suspicious activity. (Essentially, go cruising for chicks.)
Since there’s now two of us, we both can’t fit on the BATBIKE, so once again we need Mum to drive. This is rather bothersome, as she never obeys my commands to honk at the ladies we pass by.
Anyway, we may be “wiener” dogs, but it takes more than a hot dog bun to scare us.
It’s not uncommon for you to see BATDOG & Robin clandestinely standing watch over some of the city’s hardest neighborhoods, just waitin’ for trouble to go down.
I’m sure we’ve prevented several drug deals from taking place just by being there.
Anyway, my research has told me that bad guys (especially cats) tend to hand out in alleyways, so a dark and gloomy alley was our next checkpoint.
We didn’t find any cats, but we did manage to scare away a few pigeons, which as I informed Oakley was “work well done” in my mind.
It was then that we headed farther downtown to a busy corner, where we roosted on a ledge, posing for people passing by with their cameras – putting on our best show of looking like we were hard at work watching for crime.
Again, we’re in this more for the publicity than anything, so taking time for a few good photos is all part of the job.
A good photo of us chasing a bad guy means more to us than actually catching him.
Despite not solving any real crimes or picking up any chicks in the process, we were both exhausted from all that running around.
So we decided to stop for some ice cream on our way back home. As a superhero, I expect to be rewarded for every effort I contribute to the greater good, however subtle.
You can tell Oakley and I make for a good team, as we’re even synchronized in our licking!
But being the chunkier one between us, it wasn’t long before Oakley had finished off his cone and begun eyeing mine!
So remember folks, if you ever have an emergency, make sure to call your local superdogs – BATDOG & Robin. Just keep in mind that sexy ladies and influential reporters will receive preferential treatment.
Keep needing savin’,
From CRUSOE, THE CELEBRITY DACHSHUND: Adventures of the Wiener Dog Extraordinaire. Copyright © 2015 by the author and reprinted by permission of St. Martin’s Press,