Empire has officially returned for season 2, and Gabourey Sidibe – a.k.a. the ever outspoken Becky – will be blogging all of the drama week to week for EW. Read on for the actress’ latest entry as she blogs Wednesday’s episode, “Poor Yorick.” Like what you see? Send feedback to us at @EW and to Gabourey at @GabbySidibe.
If you missed Empire, I hope you stayed off of Twitter! I and like a million other people spoiled it for you and now I’m about to tell you what happened in this recap! I gotta blame you! Be more responsible!
SOOO when we join the Lyons, Jamal is singing a new song, “Battle Cry,” in the studio as the Empire offices are being invaded by the FBI!! Oh no! They’re tearing into pillows and everything looking for who knows what! It’s the FBI! They’re just looking! Across town at the Lyon Dynasty, Hakeem and Cookie are hard at work trying to hatch a plan to get their artists on the radio since Evil Lucious bought the biggest radio station, Apex, last week. Anika is hard at work, trying to beg her way into a partnership with Cookie when they see that the Empire offices are being raided. Cookie tells Hakeem to tell Valentina that Empire is sinking and that she should join Lyon Dynasty and then tells Anika that if she can convince another Empire artist, Royal-T, to join Lyon Dynasty, then she’ll let her join their new company. But just as she was walking out the door, the Feds appear with a warrant, ready to cut up Lyon Dynasty’s pillows, too! Hide ya kids, hide ya wife cuz the Feds iz cuttin’ up errybody’s pillows!
Super Lawyer Thirsty wakes Lucious up after what I think was just an innocent slumber party with some really nice ladies who just want to snuggle and that’s it, just as D.A. Roxanne Ford pulls up with more federal agents. Lucious greets her naked. Her face looked repulsed but her boobs looked into it! Hey, real quick, how can you NOT stare at those boobs all episode? I’m really asking. It’s like staring into the sun. I know I shouldn’t but dammit, those boobs are everywhere!
Lucious violates the orders of the judge to stay out of the Empire offices, to interrupt a meeting and rally the troops of executives in business suites, Mimi Whitman included, into thinking that they’re all true OGs because they were all raided by the Feds! That fine ass Becky is like “YASS!” That man can spin anything! Then he holds a family meeting at Leviticus. Thirsty tells them all to relax and stick together as a family while the D.A. and the Feds are putting this pressure on Lucious. He says that they have to find the D.A.’s witness, Vernon and convince him to not testify. Vernon has gone on to glory so consider him convinced! Also, Hakeem asks Lucious point blank if he killed Bunky. Lucious lies because, DUH! That’s what he does!
That night, Andre can’t sleep without dreaming about Vernon’s death. You gotta get over that boo! That was LAST season! You’re disturbing Rhonda’s sleep! Rude!
The next day, Lucious and Cookie meet in his office. Who keeps letting him in?! Cookie wants to call a truce. She’s willing to let Hakeem do a video with Jamal in order to keep Lucious from basically being a d— and stealing artists from Lyon Dynasty. She tells him to lay off her masters too because Anika told her he was trying to get them. That was true but he tells Cookie that it’s a lie without missing a beat and Cookie says that she doesn’t know who to believe and Lucious asks why she’s working with someone she can’t trust. Good question, LuLu!
Meanwhile, Jamal is doing a photo shoot for his Rolling Stone cover! The photographer is an artistic weirdo who tells Jamal he wants to be inside of him. That’s a little forward. We just met you, homie! Oh! I guess he means his soul or something … I guess. Michael, Jamal’s boyfriend is not impressed.
Andre asks Lucious if he would be let back into Empire if he could figure out a way to make his legal troubles go away. Lucious says he’ll give him anything he wants if he can do that. Andre’s face says “Challenge accepted!” … wit his fine ass … Later, Andre tells Rhonda that he’s going dig Vernon’s body up. Producing his dead body is the only way to make the case go away and that’s how he’s going to get back into Empire. He admits to Rhonda that God speaks to him and tells him he belongs at Empire and he’s going to do what God tells him to do … wit his crazy ass …
Down at the video shoot, things are going well when Cookie is ARRESTED!!! They throw her into an interrogation room and immediately, she starts having flashbacks to her time in jail. D.A. Roxanne Ford and her boobs sit down with Cookie and tell her why she’s been arrested: For jumping a turnstile in the subway. She’s even got a picture of her doing it, but it’s Porsha, Cookie’s assistant, who is pictured jumping the turnstile. She did it and gave Cookie’s name! Dammit, Porsha! Anyway, Roxanne wants Cookie to snitch on Lucious and she’s ready to ruin the lives of Cookie’s sons to do it. She starts taking about how Andre might even kill himself and then leaves Cookie alone to think. More flashbacks come from her being in prison and being in so much emotional pain that she wanted to die. She decides to give Roxanne what she wants. Kinda. Cookie tells Roxanne that Bunky and Lucious were fighting over the Apex Radio station deal and that Bunky was found dead after that fight. Roxanne says she’ll investigate that deal and essentially kill it. Just what Cookie needs to get her artist back on the radio! That’s a smart Cookie! Also, they admit to liking each other’s hair! That’s sweet! I think they’re going to be great friends now!
Back at the video shoot, Artistic Weirdo, the photographer, brings a painting of Jamal for everyone to see! It’s gorgeous but Hakeem isn’t here for it. He starts a fight and Lucious calls him a momma’s boy. Hakeem responds by stabbing the painting of Jamal. Hater. They go back to shooting and then Jamal and Hakeem come to blows. Like a real fistfight! It was pretty sexy! Hakeem leaves and says he’s never coming back. He’s serious, you guys!
Andre and Rhonda are seriously digging up Vernon’s body! They’re deep in a hole when Thirsty and Lucious show up. They admit to Lucious what happened to Vernon. Lucious is touched as if they killed him just for Lucious! Thirsty uses a Corpse Detector to find the body. Is that a real device?! I keep asking and no one will tell me. That’s probably for the better.
Far away from the woods, we find Hakeem drinking his sorrows away in a Latin nightclub. He wants to text Jamal to apologize but then he doesn’t. A super pretty Latina starts singing a song and you KNOW how Hakeem feels about pretty Latinas that can sing right now! Insert smiley face with heart eyes!
Long after the video shoot is over, Cookie makes it back and has a short meeting with Anika. She tells her that she just plain doesn’t trust her so, no, she’s not going to be working with Anika. Sucks for you Anika!
Jamal, Michael, and Artistic Weirdo (the photographer) are hanging posters of the painting of Jamal with Hakeem’s stab wound through the neck. Artistic Weirdo says that Jamal is the art now. Michael really hates Artistic Weirdo.
Early the next day, D.A. Roxanne Ford is on the phone announcing that the FCC is shutting down that Apex Radio deal as she gets into her car. No doubt, she’s late to get some cheap shoes next to the Bad Weave hair salon. She’s gets in the car and is greeted by Vernon’s dead body! Oh! And corpse detectors are real y’all! I just Googled it! What an amazing world of wonder we live in!
Behind the Scenes:
Real talk though, Jamal’s latest song “Battle Cry” is probably my favorite song this season. It was written by Ne-Yo, brilliantly sung by Jussie and then amazingly shot and directed by our co-creator Danny Strong. For these past few months since it was recorded, I’ve felt like this song belongs to me. To US, my Empire family. A part of me feels as salty as Michael that now the world will hear it. Like it will no longer belong to us. But I suppose that that’s what art is. Giving away a piece of what belongs to you, so that it can belong to everyone. Isn’t that what Artistic Weirdo was trying to teach me? It doesn’t really belong to me at all. Also, I’m singing background on “Battle Cry.” You can’t hear me but Jussie swears he can, but Jussie loves me more than you do so he’ll always be able to hear me. Das My Fren!!!