Entertainment Weekly

Subscribe

Stay Connected

Subscribe

Advertise With Us

Learn More

Skip to content

Article

Whole Foods scandals: Stephen Colbert helps the grocery chain with pre-apologies

Posted on

CBS

Stephen Colbert is frustrated with Whole Foods and the recent troubles the grocery chain has encountered. On Monday night’s episode of The Late Show, the host addressed the chain’s various scandals, including the use of prison labor — a practice that will be discontinued.

“Prison labor? But everything at Whole Foods is supposed to be cage-free,” Colbert said. “The whole time I thought Farmer Bob was making my goat cheese. Turns out it was some guy named Spike.”

Colbert then decided to make some pre-apologies for Whole Foods in case the store finds itself in future trouble. Some of the best pre-apologies included a recurring theme of pizza chefs.

“Whole Foods will no longer make our pizza chefs fight in a pit with those wooden paddles,” Colbert said.

The host followed that with: “While you’re shopping, our employees will no longer break into your car and rifle thorough your glove compartment for painkillers to get our pizza chefs hopped up before they fight in that pit.”

Watch the clip above for more pre-apologies, including the “exotic world food” section no longer carrying products from Narnia and Funkytown.