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'The Deleted Emails of Hillary Clinton': Read an exclusive excerpt from the parody book

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In John Moe’s absolutely Hillary-ous (sorry, we had to) new parody, The Deleted Emails of Hillary Clinton, the writer and comedian imagines what the emails we didn’t see from Hillary Clinton’s inbox might have looked like. For example: Perhaps HRC (as she “signs” these emails) actually co-created Breaking Bad with Vince Gilligan. And maybe, just maybe, she gave Shonda Rhimes a little inspiration for Olivia Pope’s character on Scandal.

The Deleted Emails of Hillary Clinton hits shelves September 22, but check out an exclusive preview of these emails below:

November 18, 2010

TO: HRC

FROM: Vince Gilligan

Subject: Breaking Bad—Season 4

Madam Secretary,

I hope you are well. As you know, Breaking Bad has been picked

up for another season. Fans are already super excited about the

premiere coming this spring. The more challenging news is that

our show, the show you and I created together, needs your help.

Truth be told, we all have total writer’s block. Haven’t written a

word, haven’t shot a frame.

We’re in trouble and we need you.

Yes, I know that you are very busy with your duties, and I

understand that those things are way more important than a TV

show.

In the show, Walter and Jesse are in pretty deep against the drug

kingpin Gus Fring. He wants to kill them but he needs them. They

want to escape from him but they can’t. It’s all fine for a while but

HOW CAN WE POSSIBLY SUSTAIN THAT? Sorry. A little panicky.

Help?

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November 18, 2010

TO: Vince Gilligan

FROM: HRC

RE: Breaking Bad—Season 4

Vince,

First thing: no one can know I’m the creative force behind Breaking

Bad. It’s too brutal of a show. I don’t need pundits and the foreign

press knowing that my mind can work that way.

Second, I’m a little too busy right now preparing for an economic

summit in Kazakhstan to come up with a new season of Breaking

Bad.

But fine. I got an idea where Walt convinces Hector Salamanca to

be a suicide bomb and blow up Fring. Then we pan back and see

Fring but half his flesh has been blown off his body. That’s off the

top of my head. I’ll sketch out the season on the plane.

HRC

 

November 19, 2010

TO: HRC

FROM: Vince Gilligan

RE: Breaking Bad—Season 4

Wow. That’s really hardcore. I mean, I’m horrified even thinking

about that. You have that in your imagination? And you’re going

to be the leader of the free world? Wow. Okay. I need to go watch

some cartoons now to detox.

But thanks.

 

January 20, 2011

TO: HRC

FROM: Shonda Rhimes

Subject: “Scandal”

Hello Mrs. Clinton,

I received your e-mail from Vince Gilligan. And then,

weirdest thing, Joe Biden sent it to me as well, and I don’t

even know Joe Biden. Anyway, I hope it’s okay to reach you

here.

I’m a television producer, probably best known for creating

the shows Grey’s Anatomy and Private Practice. I’m

working on a new show, tentatively called Scandal, about

life inside Washington, D.C. Given my track record, there

are a lot of expectations for this show and I must admit I’m

struggling.

Both Vince and Chris told me that besides being the

country’s top diplomat and one of the world’s mostadmired

women, you are a top-notch “fixer” of movies and

TV shows.

What do you think the show should focus on? What would

YOU really like to see from a show like this?

Shonda

 

January 20, 2011

TO: Shonda Rhimes

FROM: HRC

RE: “Scandal”

Hi Shonda,

The project sounds fascinating but I really do far, far too much

secret script-doctoring as it is. I’ve had to pull those Transformer

movies out of the fire recently, which took a whole lot of time that I

did not have. So I’m afraid I couldn’t really help you with this.

That being said, the obvious path is to place someone unexpected in

the leading role. Namely, a strong and powerful woman who knows

everything and everyone in Washington and has the skills and

intelligence to scheme her way to absolute power. Someone who is

admired and feared in equal measure.

But again, far too busy. Can’t help you. I’ll have Huma set up a

series of appointments with you over the next few months to talk

about the story, which I’m much too busy to help you with.

Hillary

For more email previews (including a chain in which HRC, Oprah, Gwyneth Paltrow, and Beyoncé try to choose their Sex & The City characters) check out the book’s Tumblr.